Encourage Others While It Is Called 'Today'

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." -Hebrews 3:13

This past Sunday, my pastor preached a beautiful message on encouraging others. It was one of those messages where I spent half the time laughing and the other half wiping tear after tear away. Because I've forgotten how important it is to encourage others on this journey.

Life isn't easy. And right now, I'm experiencing hard moment after hard moment. But my pastor said something that really stuck with me. "Whatever it is you are going through, there is someone out there going through something far worse." And it's the truth.

I may be experiencing trials that are testing my commitment to my faith. I may be experiencing trials where I'm learning to rely solely on God. I may be experiencing trials where the world seems to be cutting me down at every turn. But I have the necessities of life. I have love and support from those around me. I have no room to complain.

As my pastor says, there are times in our life where we will be in great need of encouragement. Maybe we'll need a hug, a kind word, a note of appreciation. Other times, we will be a place of to greatly encourage others. We will provide the hugs. We will provide the words of encouragement. We will send the notes of appreciation.

Too often, I believe our society thinks offering advice is the best way to encourage people. "You need to do this." "You need to do that." I don't believe that's what we need. We need positive words and inspiration. We need people to say, "I've been where you are and I know that you will get through this. In the meantime, let me lend a listening ear." We don't need to lecture each other or offer unnecessary advice.

Let's encourage others to keep the faith. To fight. To take a stand. To keep moving forward. And we do that best with words of encouragement.

I'm praying for you.

I care about you.

You are a blessing to me.

Your attitude during this trial is an encouragement to me.

They are only words, but their power is mighty.

Before you decide to lecture or advise, try encouragement. It won't change anyone's situation, but it just might change their attitude amidst the trial they find themselves in.

--Jessica

25 Life Lessons For My Birthday

In a few days, I will turn the big 25. And spending 25 years on this planet has taught me a great deal of lessons. So, my birthday wish is that you will be encouraged--maybe even inspired--by the beautiful lessons I've learned so far along the way. Here's to 25 more glorious years!

1. Laugh. All the time. Don't stop. Life is meant to be enjoyed. So, enjoy it.

2. Choose Joy. Every day. There's nothing in this world that can steal the joy of simply being alive for one more precious day.

3. Cry happy tears more often. At weddings. Baptisms. Hallmark commercials. When God performs even the smallest of miracles. Let those celebration tears fall.

4. Don't keep score. God doesn't. You shouldn't either.

5. Become a master at small talk. It just might turn into a deep conversation with a stranger.

6. Encourage. Whenever possible. Everyone is going through a trial. If they're not, they've either just come out of one or are about to head into one.

7. Be teachable. Your whole life. Never stop learning. Never stop letting others teach you new things.

8. Get up early to watch the sun rise. Not every day, but once a week. Watch as the earth wakes itself up. Remind yourself to be still. Take in the beauty.

9. Drink a hot beverage every day. Coffee. Tea. Hot chocolate. Whatever floats your boat. Sit on the couch, take a few deep breaths, and contemplate life as the steam rises from your warm cup.

10. Sing. Loud. Even if you're horrible. Don't be afraid to let it all out.

11. Stand up. When others need you. When someone is challenging your beliefs. Get up. Stand up.

12. Go out to eat. For special occasions. Just because. You deserve a nice meal out. Treat yourself. Treat a friend.

13. Be kind. To everyone you meet. We all need a dose of kindness every now and then. Be someone's.

14. Challenge yourself. Face your fears. If you're scared to do something, it's very important that you attempt it. Yes, even those terrifying roller coasters.

15. Send lots of cards. Birthday cards. Thank you cards. Just because cards. A handwritten note is always more personal than an email.

16. Live in different places. The city. The country. The suburbs. A different state. A different country. Broaden your horizons.

17. Explore. Your backyard. Your city. Your state. Your country. Whatever you do, get outside and look around.

18. Don't wait. Wear the fancy dress hanging in the closet. Pull out the polished silverware. Use the special occasion tablecloth. Everything is replaceable. The time that's already passed is not.

19. Don't rush. Take the long way home. Walk, don't run. Slow down. Don't miss the beautiful parts of life.

20. Be good to yourself. Fill your life with positive people. Pick a career you love. Don't put undo pressure on yourself.

21. Forgive yourself. Remove 'regret' from your vocabulary. Let go of the mistakes. Choose to focus on today.

22. Wear less makeup. Take on the world with your natural beauty. Because you are beautiful.

23. Listen. Don't interrupt conversations. Don't interrupt people. Make every effort to really hear what they are saying. People will appreciate you more if you do.

24. Serve others. Do good things for them without expecting repayment. Serve because you have two hands and two feet that can help.

25. Love. Without boundaries. Without limitations. Pour your heart and soul into people. Love until your heart is bursting at the seams.

Small Towns Aren't For Everyone

Everyone is always trying to escape, or so they say. But they never leave. If you get arrested or divorced, your name will appear in the paper. You can't go into a store without running into someone you know. And your reputation is based entirely on your character.

Small towns aren't for everyone. They aren't for loners. They aren't for thrill-seekers. They aren't for the unsettled. They aren't for the infamous.

Small towns are for people who love putting down roots. For people who love to daydream. For people who like to know who their neighbors are. For people who like to bake goodies for their church potluck. For people who like to build a tribe of faithful and loyal people to call on in their hour of need. Small towns are for people who have hearts just like mine.

I used to live in a town where I rarely ran into anyone I knew. 80,000 people makes blending in with the crowd simple and easy. I never worried that my ill actions would put a stain on my reputation. I never worried that I would have to work through conflict or learn how to socialize with people in the Post Office line. But then I moved 1,500 miles to the small town I now call home.

Everyone is always telling me they want to leave. Chances are, they never will. And though I smile in understanding as they complain about the downsides of living in a small town, it pains me that they can't see what I love about a small town of 9,000.

They miss the beauty of running into acquaintances everywhere they go. They miss the love people have for each other. They miss the neighbor that bakes 200 cupcakes for her church and walks through the neighborhood dropping off leftovers at each door. They miss the simplicity of children riding their bikes carefree through the neighborhood. They miss out on helping people. They miss the back row pew that faithfully sits waiting for them every Sunday. They miss out on getting to know people--I mean, really getting to know who these people are. They miss out on the stories. They miss out on the history.

I was not raised in a small town, and one will never be my hometown, but this small town has become the place I wake every day with a smile on my face. Because I know what whatever trials await me, I have built a small tribe of people who will--without fail--always help me, save me, and rescue me. Just like I would do for them.

Small towns aren't for everyone. They aren't for people who can't appreciate the simplistic beauty of a community of people who challenge one another to grow. They aren't for people who can't overlook silly gossip and carry on about their day. They aren't for people who don't choose to rise above their difficulties or challenges.

But they are for people just like me. People who gleefully walk in to pay their utility bill because they love running into people they know.

The Good Wife Chronicles: The In-Laws

When I started this series, I knew my posts would eventually lead me here. And I dreaded it. Because I don't feel that I'm really qualified to talk about this subject. But when God is leading you to do something, it's best to ask for guidance and wisdom and let Him do the rest.

Before I begin, I think it's important that you understand this post is not about bashing your husband's family. In fact, it's quite the opposite. If you're looking for a post telling you that you have every right to not show up for family holidays or invite your in-laws over for dinner, this isn't it.

This will be a post that:
1. Encourages you to love your in-laws wholeheartedly
2. Encourages you to treat your in-laws well
3. Encourages you to encourage your husband to do 1 & 2

My husband and I spent the 18 months we dated/courted 1,500 miles apart. We rarely saw each other. Simply put: I didn't know my in-laws when I traveled 1,500 miles to Oklahoma (with my husband, Mom and cat) and moved into their home for the first 2 weeks we lived here.

Looking back, I'm grateful that my in-laws were so gracious. They allowed my mother--who they had met only twice--to live with them as well. If that's not sacrificial love for their son, I honestly can't tell you what is.

Naturally, we hit a few rough patches that just needed smoothing over. And lots of grace and understanding.

I was raised in an entirely different home than my husband was. I was raised by two people with completely different personalities than my in-laws. I come from a broken home and lived many years out of a suitcase, never really calling any one place 'home'. I can't even remember what it was like to have both my mother and father living under the same roof. My husband and I's home lives growing up were as different as night and day. And that's O.K. It's shaped us both into the people we are today.

But here is what that has taught me: my in-laws raised the man who loves me and asked me to be his wife. They raised him with a fierce determination to learn and grow. They raised him in church, which enabled him to find a ministry he loves. They taught him skills like sewing, car repair, and carpentry that have saved us tons of money. They cared for him. They encouraged him. They nurtured him in a safe environment devoid of fear. They clothed him. They fed him. They took him to doctors appointments, dentist appointments and to the ER when his tooth was shot out by his brother's Airsoft gun. They let him spend summers in California where he met me. They let him build a computer, which allowed him to email me every day. They gave him every good quality he possesses today. They raised the man I call my dearest friend. And your husband's parents did the same for you.

I don't know if you get along with your in-laws. If you do, praise God! If you don't, maybe it's time to start re-evaluating your relationship with your husband's family.

Not sure where to begin?

Here's how you can start loving your in-laws better today:

1. Take on an attitude of gratitude.
If you're having problems with your in-laws, write a list of reasons why you're grateful to them. I'll help you out. The first one should be: raising your husband. The more reasons you list, the more grateful you'll be. You may have to think hard, but at the end of the day, these people were the first to love your husband and to invest in him. He is who is he because of them. Remember that on the hard days.

2. Let things go.
I don't know what types of problems you've encountered with your in-laws, but it's best to just leave them in the past. Where they belong. Move forward. Don't cling to something that happened five years ago. Accept that it happened, tell them how you felt if you need to, and then let it go. Remember: these people raised the man you love. It's not going to kill you to forgive them for that rude comment they made about how awful the dish you brought for dinner was.

3. Talk to them.
If there's one thing I know about my father-in-law, it's that he loves to talk about cars, motorcycles...basically anything with a motor. So, I ask him questions. Though I can't always understand the mechanics, because they sound foreign to me, I try to. And that's what's important. Try. Make an effort. Remember: these people raised the man you love. It's not going to kill you to take an interest in their interests.

4. Respect them.
They're family by marriage and in your life for good. You can't change that, so act like a daughter. Do kind things for them. Treat them with respect. If you respect your husband, you'll respect his loved ones even if they don't deserve it. It's simple as that.

5. Don't make him choose.
Your husband should never have to choose between his family and you. If I'm in the middle of something and Kelly wants to head over to his parents; house, I let him go. I don't mind that he spends time alone with his family. I'm not going to make him choose between fixing a car with his dad and watching me write a blog post. I'm going to let him go. Because I love him and I love how much he loves his family.

The best way to look at it is like this: One day in the future, hopefully many, many years from now, your in-laws won't be around. They won't be here anymore to love your husband, to spend time with him, to give him advice, to make him meals, and to remind him how far he's come since he was just a little guy who used to climb trees and scrape his knees. And they won't be here to love you, either.

Time is a fragile thing. Do your best to treat your in-laws well, even if they don't do the same for you. And encourage your husband to treat his family well, too. The best gift you can give your husband is your efforts to make sure his family and you get along and love each other.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica

Did you like this post?

To read more of my series, The Good Wife Chronicles, check out past posts below!

A Letter To The Angry Wife

Be His Loudest Cheerleader
Dealing With the Proverbs 31 Woman
The Soul Mate Complex

Michal's Mistakes

When You Fail Him

Encouragement For the Day: It Is Well With My Soul

It's one of my favorite hymns. Because it speaks so much truth. Life is full of seasons. Peace like a river seasons. Sea billows rolling in seasons.

Regardless of what this world throws at you, God is always going to take care of you. He is always going to save the day for you. He will do it time-and-time again.

Proclaim from the depths of your soul, "It is well, it is well, with my soul!"

As storms roll in, remember that you are so dearly loved by the Almighty God, who will--without fail--always take care of you.

The Words That You Speak

It's not often that people's treatment of me takes me by surprise. I'm well-versed in the ill behaviors of this world. People will lie, cheat and steal without hesitation. They will speak poorly to you, about you and in front of you. They will try to break down and destroy.

But I was recently taken off guard by an angry woman. She was bossy, demanding and refused to say anything to me unless it was condescending and rude. I left her place of business shaking with fury.

Listen, I love people. I mean, I really love people. I love helping them, getting to know them, and teaching them. I love to encourage and inspire. Even the difficult people whose paths I cross. It takes a lot for someone to affect me because I'm always prepared for people to be having a bad day when I run into them. This lady, however, really pushed all my buttons.

I immediately got into the car after her harsh exchange with me and said to myself, "That woman is something else. She's a real piece of work. And if she were my employee, I would have fired her on the spot."

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I felt guilty. Because I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place. Sure, I was kind to this lady's face. I let her verbally push me around and say harsh things to me. My only response was gentleness and understanding. But I was praying the whole time that God would keep my mouth shut because I was ready to unleash a slew of words that probably would have got me punched in the face. Thank God for his grace and mercy. Because I was in dire need of both while dealing with this lady.

After I said those words in my car, the weight of them hanging sordidly around, I looked down at my phone. At that exact moment, I felt God convicting me.

What if my phone had mysteriously dialed someone? What if someone had heard me saying those words out loud? What if I had children in the car with me? What if I ruined my testimony because I had spoken out of turn?

Here's the thing: my answer to any type of conflict is usually prayer. I pray for strength, wisdom and guidance. In this situation, I was so angry that I threw out any type of logic out the window and decided my words needed to be heard. They needed to be spoken into the universe.

I failed the test. 

In that moment, I failed God. And it saddened me that my mouth is--and will always be--a challenging body part to tame.

I don't know this lady's story. I don't know why she's so angry. I have no idea what her life looks like. I can't even begin to comprehend what happened to her to make her so miserable. But it's not my job to determine who she is. I'm not responsible for speaking any type of truth over her situation because I'm not intimate with it. I'm not God.

And then, like always, a handful of scripture came to mind.

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account to the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Matthew 12:36

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

"But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." Colossians 3:8

"The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and however has understanding is even-tempered." Proverbs 17:27

I did not have a good reason for speaking ill of this lady. My words were the result of a hurt, selfish human. Though spoken in private, they still had power over me. They revealed my true character in that moment. And I was not O.K. with being the woman who speaks kindly to someone's face only to tear them down when they weren't around. The desire of my heart is to always speak kindly of everyone. And if I can't find something nice to say, then there's not reason to speak at all.

The words that you speak--even in private--reveal who you are. I struggle daily in this area of my life. Thankfully, God freely gives me his wisdom when I ask for it. And he can do the same for you.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5

--Jessica

The Good Wife Chronicles: When You Fail Him

I remember the first time I failed my husband. I was going through a period in my life where I woke up with anxiety almost every morning. My entire day would be spent in a state of constant anxiousness. 

At the time, we only had one car. And after a few mishaps driving our trusty old 1970 Ford Maverick, I could no longer handle the stress of driving it coupled with my anxiety. Breaking down in the middle of an intersection brought me to tears and my chest felt like someone was sitting on top of me. The only way I made it to my husband's work to pick him up was by the grace of God, and seven minutes of crying out in agony that God would get me to my destination before I had a complete meltdown.

It was at this point that my reliance on my husband was so demanding that I truly believe it made him resent me, though he would never admit it. 

I had a difficult time leaving the house. I had a difficult time going into stores and to church. I had a hard time just trying to exist. And he beared the weight of his wife's weakness quite well. But I could see it etched on his face every time I asked him if I could stay home from church because my anxiety was crippling:

He longed to have back the wife he married. 

The free-spirited, independent woman who captured his heart when he was just 15 years old. The loud, cheerful woman who happily kissed him goodbye every morning. The woman who loved to laugh and play. 

And to tell you the honest truth, I missed her as well. 

I was weak for the first time in my life, and I was failing my husband as his help meet. The guilt was almost too much to handle.

You and I are going to fail our husbands. When our weaknesses are on full display for our spouse to see, I believe that they will rise to the occasion. For how long? I'm not sure. I know that my husband would allow me to rely on him for my every need for the rest of his life if that's what I needed. My husband is fiercely loyal and noble. But I knew that I could not live that way anymore. I could not--and would not--be afraid.

So, I took action. I finally talked to my mom and told her everything that was going on. She recommended that I talk to our pastor's wife. I did and she suggested I journal daily. 

I tried for a few weeks, but found that I was having a difficult time doing so. I had spent my whole childhood and teenage years using Word to write practically everything. As much as I love writing, I can't do it with a pen and paper. My husband told me I should start blogging. Taking his suggestion to heart, I sat down at my computer and started this blog to document my journey. And I'm very happy to say that I have not experienced any anxiety since the day I decided to blog of God's goodness and faithfulness.

I'm going to fail my husband. And you will fail yours. But God constantly reminds me that he does not expect me to be perfect in my wife role. He knows better than I do that I will falter and will need forgiveness. As long as I begin each day with the desire to be a good help meet to my husband, God will never fail me in my role. He will always provide me with wisdom and opportunity. And, my dearest wife friend, he will do the same for you.

I'm so grateful that God filled the Bible with stories of women just like you and me. They have a beautiful desire to do good, they fail, they ask for forgiveness and guidance, and God changes their heart for the better.

Read one of my favorites, the Woman at the Well, here. 

When you fail him, remember that the words "I'm sorry" are the most powerful words in a marriage. Acknowledge your failure, ask God to give you the wisdom to not make the same mistake again, and trudge on!

Your marriage is worth fighting for!

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

Did you like this post?

To read more of my series, The Good Wife Chronicles, check out past posts below!

A Letter To The Angry Wife

Be His Loudest Cheerleader
Dealing With the Proverbs 31 Woman
The Soul Mate Complex

Michal's Mistakes