The Words That You Speak

It's not often that people's treatment of me takes me by surprise. I'm well-versed in the ill behaviors of this world. People will lie, cheat and steal without hesitation. They will speak poorly to you, about you and in front of you. They will try to break down and destroy.

But I was recently taken off guard by an angry woman. She was bossy, demanding and refused to say anything to me unless it was condescending and rude. I left her place of business shaking with fury.

Listen, I love people. I mean, I really love people. I love helping them, getting to know them, and teaching them. I love to encourage and inspire. Even the difficult people whose paths I cross. It takes a lot for someone to affect me because I'm always prepared for people to be having a bad day when I run into them. This lady, however, really pushed all my buttons.

I immediately got into the car after her harsh exchange with me and said to myself, "That woman is something else. She's a real piece of work. And if she were my employee, I would have fired her on the spot."

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I felt guilty. Because I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place. Sure, I was kind to this lady's face. I let her verbally push me around and say harsh things to me. My only response was gentleness and understanding. But I was praying the whole time that God would keep my mouth shut because I was ready to unleash a slew of words that probably would have got me punched in the face. Thank God for his grace and mercy. Because I was in dire need of both while dealing with this lady.

After I said those words in my car, the weight of them hanging sordidly around, I looked down at my phone. At that exact moment, I felt God convicting me.

What if my phone had mysteriously dialed someone? What if someone had heard me saying those words out loud? What if I had children in the car with me? What if I ruined my testimony because I had spoken out of turn?

Here's the thing: my answer to any type of conflict is usually prayer. I pray for strength, wisdom and guidance. In this situation, I was so angry that I threw out any type of logic out the window and decided my words needed to be heard. They needed to be spoken into the universe.

I failed the test. 

In that moment, I failed God. And it saddened me that my mouth is--and will always be--a challenging body part to tame.

I don't know this lady's story. I don't know why she's so angry. I have no idea what her life looks like. I can't even begin to comprehend what happened to her to make her so miserable. But it's not my job to determine who she is. I'm not responsible for speaking any type of truth over her situation because I'm not intimate with it. I'm not God.

And then, like always, a handful of scripture came to mind.

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account to the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Matthew 12:36

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

"But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." Colossians 3:8

"The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and however has understanding is even-tempered." Proverbs 17:27

I did not have a good reason for speaking ill of this lady. My words were the result of a hurt, selfish human. Though spoken in private, they still had power over me. They revealed my true character in that moment. And I was not O.K. with being the woman who speaks kindly to someone's face only to tear them down when they weren't around. The desire of my heart is to always speak kindly of everyone. And if I can't find something nice to say, then there's not reason to speak at all.

The words that you speak--even in private--reveal who you are. I struggle daily in this area of my life. Thankfully, God freely gives me his wisdom when I ask for it. And he can do the same for you.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5

--Jessica