The world will stop at nothing to tear down my husband. People willingly and openly oppose him. They try to damage his career, his character and his confidence. And I'm sure they do the same to your husband, too.
I suppose this comes with the territory of being a Christian. As my pastor says, "If you're not being met with opposition, it's time to re-evaluate your walk with Christ."
My husband was most recently dealing with a co-worker who spent their free time trying to control him. This person did a number of horrible things and he would come home frustrated and confused. I would be heartbroken.
I wanted to march up to his office and give this person what for. I wanted to tell them that if they continued to treat my husband in this manner, they'd be dealing with me (on a side note: I am much more intimidating than my husband). But I knew that wouldn't accomplish much. This person would not stop bullying simply because I told them to.
So, I prayed everyday as my husband left for work. "Lord, please give him patience. Help him to hold his tongue. Help him to return attacks with kindness. Arm him with your strength."
Eventually, the problem was solved. But the point is this: the world will try to tear down your husband and it's important that you don't.
The world will tell your husband that his talents aren't good enough. They will tell him that he won't measure up to much. They will tell him that they can't believe he lives off of so little income and that he should find a better job. They will tell him that his car is too old. They will tell him that his clothes are not nice enough. They will tell him that his choices are wrong. They will attack his faith.
I don't think I realized how cruel the world was to my husband until recently. My husband is a strong man. He really can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and never let on that he's struggling beneath its weight. But when the load gets too heavy to carry, he knows I'm the person he can turn to lift those burdens. Or at least lift his spirits.
I'm not always his loudest cheerleader, but God is helping me understand how important it is that I become his.
There was a recent study done that showed your husband will hear your voice most audibly when surrounded by other voices. Your husband is most familiar with your voice. This can be a good thing--because he can shut out the world and focus solely on you--or it can be a bad thing--he can ignore your words and, eventually, you completely.
It's my belief that if we are cheering on our husbands, they will shut out the noises from others and focus on our encouragement. If we aren't encouraging, he most likely won't be listening to us. He may get beaten down by the rest of the world's opinions of him. Or he may find someone else to be his cheerleader.
So, how do we become our husband's loudest cheerleader?
1. Applaud his efforts; encourage his dreams no matter how crazy they sound
I doubt my husband from time-to-time. When he came home and told me he was going to build a hydroponic system to grow non-GMO foods for us using fish, I about had a heart attack. My first thought was, "Great, here we go again. Another experiment." My next thought? "How much is this going to cost?" But instead of saying these things out loud, I nodded in agreement and said to him, "Can you put together a budget so I can start saving some extra money to fund your hydroponic system?" He did it and we saved. Now, next to the desk I am currently typing at, I'm watching lettuce grow out of lava rocks. It truly is a miracle.
Every day I make a big deal about how much his plants have grown. I encourage him to start growing other types of plants and help him set aside money to expand. If he had failed, it wouldn't have been a big deal. He would have re-purposed most of the supplies for future ventures. But now he's talking about one day making a living off of his hydroponic system. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Whatever the case, the man planted seeds in lava rocks that germinated in three days. THREE DAYS. I think it's safe to say God used my doubt to teach me a lesson: applaud your husband's efforts. He needs your encouragement. He needs your help. Even when you're sure he will fail. God just might make something miraculous happen.
2. Apologize--even when its not your fault
A long time ago, I learned a valuable lesson. The words "I'm sorry" can and will melt your husband's heart if you are sincere about it. My husband hurt my feelings unknowingly one day and I moped around for two hours. He kept staring at me confused. I was convinced that if I just kept moping, he would eventually figure it out. Long story short: he never did. When dinner time was approaching, I realized I was really tired of moping. I'm not a very patient person. So, I went to him and said, "I'm sorry I've been moping around all afternoon. You hurt my feelings and I was waiting for you to figure it out." He laughed and said, "I can't read your mind." Then he apologized and kissed me.
Here's what's important to remember: there should never be anything between you and your husband. If he hurt your feelings, tell him. Give him a chance to apologize. If he doesn't, pray about it. Don't hold it against him or nag him. If you hurt his feelings, apologize the moment you find out. A marriage can't be successful if it's not full of forgiveness.
3. Affirm his positive attributes
My husband would never admit this, but he walks a little taller when I'm bragging on him.
"You're so talented!"
"You are the smartest man I know!"
"You are a success!"
"You always look so handsome!"
"You are so strong! Did your muscles get bigger?!"
"You're the best husband a girl could ask for!"
"I'm so happy you picked me to be your wife!"
Ladies, I'm giving you great ammo here. Use it! Go ahead, give your husband a big head. Let him know you think he hung the stars in the sky. Pump him so full of confidence that the world can't deflate him.
His home really is his castle. Providing for his family is very stressful whether he likes his job or not. When he comes home, show him how much he's loved and cared for. Give him a kiss, tell him you missed him, and then lead him to the table where his dinner is waiting. Treat him like a king. There are so many young ladies who would give anything to be a wife--even to a man who may not always treat her well or appreciate her. Be grateful you have a husband who comes home to you every night regardless of his mood. A respected, well-cared for man who knows he has the loving support of his wife is a man who will be very happy to come home.
Be his loudest cheerleader. Encourage him. Build him up. Let him know that you have his back no matter what the world thinks of him.
Your Wife-Friend in Christ
--Jessica
Did you like this post?
To read more of my series, The Good Wife Chronicles, check out past posts below!
My Secrets To A Happier Marriage
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