The Greatest Lesson My Marriage Has Taught Me

Photo credit: Pinterest.com

Marriage.

When I see the word now, I see a new definition.

Yes, Merriam Webster has already defined the word.

noun: the relationship between a husband and a wife

And our culture may have tweaked the definition here and there.

But this is the word that has defined my relationship with my husband for the last couple of years. And what I've realized over the past 3 years and 8 months is that a marriage is far more complex than I ever imagined.

My parents' marriage was sort of a mess. I remember watching it with young eyes. My father spent hours laboring hard at work. He would come home to a clean house and a hot meal waiting. But he never tried to converse with her. And she never tried to emotionally tie herself to him. At least, not when I was old enough to comprehend marriage.

There was never any laughter.

No joy.

No fun.

No affection.

I can't remember any of that.

Perhaps there were moments here and there. But never a lot. It shaped how I viewed marriage at a young age.

I often dreamt of a man who would come home and excitedly converse with me.

I often dreamt of a man who would laugh with me.

I often dreamt of a man who would pursue my heart in the moments when I wasn't being vulnerable and open.

And then I prayed for such a man when I was old enough to understand that God is the perfect matchmaker.

I longed for more than my young eyes witnessed.

It saddens me now to look back. To see all the possibility. To see that my parents gave up too soon on something that was too important. But I no longer live with their choices. I'm much too happy to dwell on a sad past.

I will forever credit my mother and father for teaching me one of the greatest lessons in life: love is a choice. You choose to love someone. You choose it every day, over and over again. And you don't give up.

When Kelly ran into my life, everything changed. Yes, he literally ran. Right across the front yard as I gazed out the window. He was tall and he was shrieking with laughter. Isn't that how all love stories should begin?

We were 15 and I was in a weird stage.

I vowed to never get married.

Never let a man ruin me.

Never let anyone hurt me.

Kelly ran after me for five long years. And, finally, after wearing down my tough exterior, I understood that love is what you make it. I'm not doomed to repeat my parents mistakes if I have learned from them. If I learned that when all else is stripped away, there must be a foundation of friendship. Love can't survive without it.

Surprisingly, that isn't the greatest lesson I've learned. Yes, there is one far more important. And I believe if we begin to understand this, it would salvage a lot of marriages.

Our differences can be our greatest assets.

My husband communicates differently than I do. 

And I used to believe that he communicated was dead wrong.

My husband approaches a problem differently than I do.

And I used to think that he'd never solve anything worthwhile with his approach.

My husband loves people differently than I do.

And I used to assume it was because I didn't know how to love people well.

My husband cooks differently than I do.

And I would beat myself up because I didn't know how to cook.

My husband cleans differently than I do.

And...well...let's just leave it at that.

The list is endless because we have a large number of differences. But we have discovered over the course of 3 years and 8 months is that instead of working against one another, we could use our abilities and talents together to accomplish more.

So, we began communicating more, rough as it was.

And we began solving problems together.

And we began loving people better.

And we began alternating days to cook dinner so I could learn how to make a meal.

And we decided I would do all the major cleaning in the house and Kelly would stick to vacuuming. 

Here's the thing: we all do things differently. It doesn't mean one approach is better than the other. It just means we all come from different backgrounds where we learned different behaviors and ways of thinking. 

In the end, we all bring different assets to the table. Use them. Learn from each other. It takes some adjusting, but different is good. Always remember that in marriage. Different is very good.

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Our Weekend In Review: Moments and Money

Our weekend has been filled with lots of unexpected surprises.

We became the proud owners of a new couch, new desk, and a few other odds and ends. 

We sold our old couch in fifteen minutes on our local Facebook Classifieds.

It was gone in just under two hours.

I went to bed that night and thought, "I sure hope nothing important fell behind the couch cushions. Because it is G-O-N-E now!"

But then, like He always does, God reminds me that sometimes in life, we just have to let things go.

I cling to material things a little too tightly sometimes.

I forget that everything in my possession is really God's. 

And that every good and perfect gift is from above.

What leaves us, will come back tenfold.

That is, if we are willing to part peacefully with it.

I do my best to remember that.
To not take things for granted.

Because everything is temporary.

What doesn't fade is a happy heart, a gentle spirit, and kind deeds.

It reminded me of this quote:

I've met quite a few of these people.

Who place too much value on the size of their paycheck.

On the type of car they drive.

On the nice possessions they own.

On expensive jewelry, makeup, attire, and toys.

They're always trying to keep up with the Jones.

In the wise words of Dave Ramsey:

"We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like."

And in the wise words of one of my favorite writers/multi-millionaires, Charley Jordan:

"I don't believe there is much difference between people who have money and people that don't have money."

Collect moments--not money.
Good perspective: we all enter the world with nothing and we all exit it with nothing.
Don't get caught up in competing with the world; get caught up in your passions and in your purpose.
True happiness will follow :)

Alright, with all that said let's move on to this little guy.

Who, though he is not my flesh and blood, feels so much like mine.

He's four.

He's smart.

He likes to help Kelly build things.

And my house is an open door for him.

Because one March night, he climbed into my lap and said, "You talk."

I replied, "No, you talk."

He giggled uncontrollably.

Then asked me to play Headbanz with him.
And I did.

Ever since, we've been the best friends.

And somewhat inseparable when in the same room.

Every Sunday morning, I sit across from him as we eat breakfast in Sunday School.

He talks my ear off.

I listen and ask questions.

Like, "Do you know how much God loves you?"

And he says, "Up to Heaven."

Friends, in case you're reading this, God, too, loves you up to Heaven.

After Sunday School, we had potluck.

I can't tell you how much I look forward to it.

I always end up in my preschool room sitting on a yellow preschooler chair laughing.

I have great church people.

They're like a little village within a little town.

And one day, when I have children, I know it will be this little village of people who will help us raise them.

Who will love them.

Who will pick them up when they fall.

Who will let them mess up and give love in return.

Ah...I can't wait!

For now, I'm just one of their villagers, loving on their children.

And, in my biased opinion, they're the cutest, sweetest kids I've ever met!
Just look at these two singing their little hearts out.

We ended our weekend with snow (BOO!), and pizza and video games.

Oh, and this crazy kid.

Who is my actual flesh and blood, though people often mistake us for girlfriend and boyfriend.

We were walking through Wal-Mart on Saturday and my brother said to me, "Dude, I think people think we're together. They keep looking at us weird."
"We are together," I said. "We're walking through the store. We drove here together."

"No," he shook his head. "Like, together together."

"Gross," I responded, then proceeded to walk five feet in front of him.

My brother and Kelly played video games and we had pizza.

My mom and I talked organization and the dogs.

It felt good to have my family over.

It doesn't happen often, but I do love having them in my home.

I love that we have this weird bond.

Three people who lived in the smallest space imaginable.
Who shared a room

And fell asleep every night laughing.

Friends, they were hard times, but they made me love my mother and brother so much more deeply.

I also learned how to be content anywhere.

In any living structure.

So long as the ones I love are close by.

I say this with as much love and grace as I can, if you don't love your people, you're missing the point of life.
You're missing who God asked you to love.
You're missing the people who will wound you, frustrate you, and break your heart.
But who will also heal you, love you, and mend you.

People, regardless of how lost they may be, matter; money never will.

And I'm beyond thankful that God reminded me of this this weekend.
Because I was in much need of a breakthrough :)

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A Husky Photoshoot

The huskies hate it.
They have to sit together and be still.
Oh, and look at the camera.

If I can get them to look at me all at the same time, it's a miracle.

Since the snow posed as a nice background, the huskies endured a good 20 minutes of picture taking a few days ago.
And I couldn't resist sharing :)

Zailey.

Isn't she just gorgeous?!

These two sure love staying close by one another.

"Mom, stop it. You know I hate getting my picture taken!"

Abner.

He's always a good sport :)

"Fine. I'll look at you for two seconds. But make it quick."

Niko.
He just wants to be petted.

Take 1

Take 2

Take 3

Take 4

Abner's so sweet.

The perfect way to end a husky photoshoot :)

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Pin-spired Friday!

If there's one thing I loooove about Pinterest, it always knows just how I'm feeling!

The ups.

The downs.

The in-betweens.

Here are some of my favorite pins this week!

If we dwell on the past, we rob the present of its value and we rob the future of its promise.

Surround yourself with people who help you grow; never shrink.

There is always something good, something to be thankful for and something to say a prayer of gratefulness for. 

Which leads to...

Keep your expectations low and your appreciation high!

If you can't be happy with little, you'll never be happy with much.

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Quote of the Week: Opinions

Other people's opinions can get pretty loud, can't they?

But I always take comfort in this one thought: no one sees the behind-the-scenes work you're engaging in.

Sometimes, we have to take people at face value and shrug off their loud opinions.

In the end, we each carry our own load.

And while each load isn't the same weight, each load is heavy.

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Two Kinds of People

I think my pastor has always said it best: “There are two kinds of people in this world: those in Christ and those who are not. That’s it. That’s all there is.”

It’s funny how often we forget this simple truth as Christians. How often we project our insecurities, our prejudices and our judgments on others when it was never God’s plan.

His plan was not to create a people who tear each other apart and bad mouth one another; I truly believe—knowing His character as I do—that He always meant for us to love each other through life’s storms, to work through troubles as friends, and, as Paul writes in Romans 12:18, to “live at peace with everyone.”

Everyone literally means every one we come into contact with.

That’s a lot of people.

A lot of good people and a lot of not-so-good people. I know. I know the thought is overwhelming. Because I have spent years trying to live at peace with everyone. And, sometimes, I sure do fail miserably.

I really, truly have failed. And will fail.

I have failed in ways that are embarrassing and hurtful to me and to others.

I have failed people many times over.

And I haven’t always set the best example for others to follow.

I have let my pride get in the way because I don’t want to appear weak.
 And when others act foolishly, I let misunderstandings form judgments in my mind of who I think they are.

But I think the part I fail in most, is assuming that when people are harsh or rude to me, it’s a personal attack on me. Most of the time, it has far less to do with me and a whole lot more to do with them.

So, when my pastor said those wise and heart-piercing words, it put things into perspective for me.
It made me realize that there really are two different kinds of people in this world.
And on our hardest days, we have to forgive each other for our shortcomings.
And we must remember that peace is the ultimate goal when dealing with others.

SNOW DAY!

Yesterday morning, I woke up early.
Because when it snows, I can sense it. 

The world is quieter.
The morning is brighter.
And I can almost smell the fresh snow.

I grabbed my boots and flung open the back door.
The Hansen huskies were still asleep.
But I hurried outside to snap a few pictures of the untouched snow.

THEN
The huskies arrived.
And my untouched snow was suddenly infiltrated by hundreds of paw prints.
But they had so much fun, I can't complain.

Most of the day was spent inside doing laundry and unloading the dishwasher.
When the huskies came in for their nap, I must have been tired too...
because in the middle of blogging, I fell asleep at my desk!

I have no idea what's wrong with me!
I never fall asleep before 10pm.
I guess my body took the snow day as an opportunity to catch up on some zzzz's.

Hope wherever you are--snow or shine--your Monday was a blessed one!

Some more pics!
Enjoy!

Kelly attempting to undig the Explorer ;)

The first sign of blue skies!

Abner enjoying the cold.

Dinner! After a long, cold day, we made shrimp boil!

The day coming to a close.

See all those paw prints?!

The sun setting.

At least my front yard remained untouched!

Z decided to be Queen of the Snow yesterday.

I couldn't resist posting this.

LOOK at Zailey's face!

And Abner's.

Oh, and Niko's.

This picture is perfection!

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