10 Things Dads Need To Teach Their Daughters

My father has taught me some valuable things over the course of the last 25 years. And though my father is far from perfect, I'm grateful that he has instilled many wonderful things in my life. They have been some of the most useful tools I've ever been given. So, here's to you, Dad!

1. How to change a tire. Over 9 years ago, I bought my first car and my dad took it as a opportunity to teach me how to change a tire. He also taught me how to change the brakes, too. But I have since forgotten how to do the latter. However, he spent many hours helping me loosen lug nuts and put tires on. When my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and I had a tire blown in Arkansas, those hours came in handy. We put on the spare tire, drove to the nearest Wal-Mart and had a brand new tire in less than an hour. My father gave me the gift of empowerment when he taught me how to change that tire. If fathers don't empower their daughters, who will?

2. How to use a screw driver. I use a screw driver every single day. And I can tell you the difference between a Phillips and a flat head. It would be hard for me to accomplish half the things I do in my day if my dad hadn't taught me how to use a screw driver at the ripe age of 6. When fathers teach their daughters how to use tools, they give their daughters the ability to build and dream. And that's priceless.

3. How to cook. This may be a long shot for some fathers, but I truly enjoy cooking with my dad. I spent a lot of time watching him whip up delicious meals for me when I was younger. It was a great experience because it made me realize that both men and women can do each other's jobs well. Husbands and wives should have a healthy respect for each other in this regard. I was blessed to have two parents who both possessed the ability to cook, clean, and work. My father also showed me that the kitchen is really the heart of every home.

4. How to carve a pumpkin. My dad used to carve my pumpkins for me as a child. I'd sit in the driveway and watch as he'd remove the top of the pumpkin, scrap out the insides, and then cut out a silly face on the front. While I can no longer remember the silly faces, I do remember the hours we'd spend sitting on the driveway together. Fathers, whether or not you celebrate Halloween, take a moment to sit beside your daughter in the driveway and work with your hands. She will be eternally grateful for the simple memories she will treasure many years down the road. Because it's really time--not the activity--that matters most.

5. How to have fun. My dad is the "King of Fun". I remember he would take us hiking and tell us crazy stories of mountain men. We'd spend all day at the beach surfing and he'd paddle us out past the waves to sit in the undisturbed sea for a while. We'd go to the desert and sleep at the base of a hillside for a night. My dad taught me that no matter how hard we work, there should always be time for relaxing and exploring. And having fun.

6. How to build a robot. It was one of my elementary school projects: build a robot. With things we had lying around the house--beads, buttons, shoebox, toilet paper roll--we built the coolest robot I've ever seen. My dad spent hours working with me on this silly robot that stood a foot and a half tall. But I think every creative bone in my body stemmed from that first lesson on creating something beautiful out of the remnants of things that used to be. Life is so much like that. The leftover scraps can be molded together to build something magical.

7. How to dream big. My dad has been and will always be the biggest dreamer I know. I can't tell you how many dreams he would talk about when I was younger. Here's what that taught me: dreams propel us forward. They motivate us to get up early and go to bed late. My father did both. And while some dreams didn't come to pass, I believe he's still dreaming today about the possibilities of tomorrow. I'm grateful he passed that down to me.

8. How to love strangers. How to love strangers well; it was the most inconvenient lesson I've ever learned. If someone crossed our path who needed help, my father always stopped. If someone was off-roading and got stuck in the mud, he'd pull them out. If they were out of gas, he'd drive them to the nearest gas station and then back. If someone had a flat tire, he'd help them change it. The heart of every father should be focused on this one truth: others matter and it's of great importance that your kids see that.

9. How to love herself. There were two things my father always said to me growing up: a. "I love you" and b. "I'm proud of you". I've never had confidence issues; trust me, it has (and still does!) annoy a lot of people. My father was always really good at injecting me with a ton of encouragement. In those moments when I did have a problem with myself, I could always count on him to help me change it. My dad always gave me room to be who I was, but still made it clear he had realistic expectations for who I'd turn out to be. It was a fine balance between holding onto his little girl and letting her go. Because he believed in me, I believed in me. And when you believe in yourself, there is nothing you can't do.

10. How to love Jesus. My father was always very open with me. Our relationship was--and still is--very much centered around conversation. Because I see my father as someone I can talk to often and about any subject, I view God the same way. I talk to Jesus throughout most of my day. I know that I can approach him about anything troubling my heart. I'm so grateful for that. I'm grateful for knowing that God longs to have these conversations with me. And that He's also in the business of constantly aiding me, much like my father used to when we lived in the same state.

Fathers, you are far from perfect and you will mess up a time or two. But the gifts you pass along to your daughters will forever change their hearts. Make them good gifts; make them lasting ones.

3 Years Later...

I entered my marriage with a lot of baggage. We're talking about suitcase after suitcase of trust issues, anger issues, a bitter heart, a broken heart, and the fear of constant rejection.

My poor husband...what on EARTH was he thinking marrying me?!

I'm not really sure, but I THANK GOD every day that he did.

I had no expectations for my husband when we said our vows. I'm being honest here. I was so far from this fairy tale idea of love that I didn't have expectations of a knight-in-shining-armor. I knew my husband was human and would probably make a few mistakes along the way. And I also knew that marriage was hard. So hard that most marriages around me had failed.

I didn't have the expectation that things wouldn't work out either because I knew that if my husband held my heart, it would always be safe. He is a fighter and the most stubborn soul I have ever met in my life, but so kind and pure. So I never worried about a failed marriage with him.

I just worried that I would never get over my past. I would never heal completely. And that I would waste the days ahead of me.

So, I entered my marriage with no idea how tomorrow would turn out.

But tomorrow kept coming and things kept going well. I slowly began to heal. And my walk with God strengthened; my heart forever changed.

Listen, three years of living with someone will bring on its problems. We had a rough patch. We were both going through changes and neither doing what God expected of each spouse in a marriage. But we worked it out and kept pushing forward. And when enough time passed, we sat down and we each took blame for our parts. I'm so thankful I married a man who admits his faults and knows the value of the words, "I'm sorry."

My husband is the most amazing man I know. He can be gentle with me, but a fierce warrior when he walks out our front door every morning to partake in the work God has given him to do. And it doesn't matter how horrible the people who need things from him treat him; he treats everyone the same and helps without hesitation. He will never put you down or speak ill of you behind your back. It's very rare that he even shares secrets others tell him with me. I prefer it that way; I want my husband to be someone his friends and family can trust to confide in without anyone else finding out. He's resourceful and can do anything he sets his mind to. And every Sunday morning, he drives me to church holding my hand.

My husband is far from perfect, but I thank God all time for leading me to Kelly. My life was O.K. before him, but now that our lives are meshed together, I can't imagine a single day without him.

So, what have three years of marriage taught me?

1. Just go with the flow. No matter how many times you tell him his dirty clothes go in the laundry basket (not 3 feet from it on the floor), he will still continue to throw them on the floor.

2. Expectations ruin relationships. I can expect my husband to take out the trash all I want, but that doesn't mean he'll do it. And on the rare occasions when he does, I make a really big deal about it because my heart is overjoyed.

3. Your marriage will NEVER be perfect. So don't fret. Anyone who tries to convince you their marriage is a fairy tale is flat-out lying. Every marriage experiences highs and lows. Remember that. Work through your problems. Don't look for an exit strategy when things aren't going the way you want them to.

4. Build a life together. My husband and I have built a life together. Our recipe is simple: find common goals and dreams and then work TOGETHER to accomplish them. Sure, we have separate dreams, too. But our main focus is on what we can accomplish working with one another.

5. Forgive quickly. This has saved my marriage over and over again. We don't hold onto the past in our marriage. We let it go. There's no use in rehashing the past when the present is so special. It truly is. Every day is a gift. If you haven't gotten there yet--you haven't realized this--it's time to open your eyes and learn the art of gratitude.

The Truth About Excess

It was a statistic I had never heard before. If you make $35,000 a year or more, you are in the top 4% of earners in the WORLD.

I sat very still for a while. Because I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to admit that my husband and I are in the top 4% of earners in the WORLD. I didn't want to admit that I'm the rich person the Bible talks about. You know the verse: "...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 19:24)

Sure, in terms of millionaires and billionaires in this country, I'm considered poor. But if I take the world as a whole, I'm so well off it's not even funny. I have access to resources, jobs, people, and the opportunities for wealth truly are endless.

Thanks, Jen Hatmatker. Thanks for helping me see how warped my mind can really be sometimes. Can we be besties?

It was a rough week for me. Probably one of the roughest on my faith journey to date. Some dark days of confusion clouded my ability to accept the truth. And then God got through to me. It's strange to me that the weeks God messes up my life completely have turned out to be the very best learning curves for me. Because I need to be reminded often where I stand in the kingdom of God. 

And today, in terms of my resources, I'm very rich.

This past weekend, my husband and I had Father's Day at our home. Our home, which is filled with beautiful trinkets and treasures, is modest in comparison to Beverly Hills, but it's practically a mansion compared to the humble abodes other people call home in other parts of the world. 

We had a table full of food. A TABLE FULL. We could have fed a small army with all the food sitting on our table. I had to put leftovers in my garage fridge. That's right, my garage fridge. Not my kitchen fridge. Not the deep freeze that's full of food. The garage fridge. It scares me to think that we have so much food I have to have a second refrigerator to accommodate it all. 

And then last night, after working in our garden all evening (praise Jesus we have a huge backyard where we can grow our own food), I took a hot shower. With clean, running water. Have you ever found yourself there? Standing beneath the shower head and thinking, "I'm really lucky I live in this country. I'm lucky to have warm water. I'm lucky to bathe every single day"?

I praised God for that hot, running water. Why don't I do that more often? Why do I take the little things for granted? Why don't I praise God for them more often? Why can't I see how blessed I truly am?

It's because I have too much. I look around my house and it's just excess. 

Can I just be honest here for a moment? This morning while I was reading my Bible, I stopped and asked myself a really simple question: Is there anything that you need right here in this moment? My answer was 'no'. I went one step further. Is there anything that you want right now in this moment? My answer was 'no'.

Friend, never in my life before have I ever answered 'no' to the second question. Never. There is truly nothing more in this world that I want that I haven't already been given. In terms of material possessions, food, and shelter, God has truly blessed me.

I know that this moment won't last forever. Everything is temporary. I am entitled to none of this. But I'm grateful that God, who is rich in mercy and grace, has given me everything I could ever dream of or want at this point in my life. It's unreal. It's scary. It has me worried. My fear is that I'll forget where I came from. From that two-room studio. From a broken past wracked with trust issues and bitterness. I'm scared I'll forget what God has done for me. I pray often about this. It's probably why God decided to mess my life up over my wealth. To remind me that without Him, I am and have nothing.

God has equipped me with 'excess' and I know what I need to do with it now. I need to start giving it away. Because everything I own and possess is really His. If I want my excess to mean something, then I have to do good with it. I want to do good with it. That's my heart's newest desire.

The truth about excess is this: God always intended for us to use our blessings to bless others. So, let's do it. Let's make this excess thing a good thing. Especially when there are so many people in this world who need our excess. 

God uses His people to be His hands and feet in this world. Let's be that for Him. Let's reach out. Let's stop amassing material possessions that won't last beyond our lifetime. Let's be a simple people. Let's love the Lord and His people. And let's remind them God cares deeply for them.

--Jessica

You Are A Beautiful Mess

This world can break my heart sometimes. It's in those moments, when the tears fall too easily and my heart throbs, that I realize I'm a mess.

I recently volunteered to give my testimony at one of our church's Ladies' Meetings for the month of July. I've been praying for God's help because I'm terrified. I'm afraid to stand and speak before these ladies who know who I am today, but aren't acquainted with the broken child I once was.

I've been praying for grace and a clear mind. I need it desperately because dealing with my past has never been easy for me. It's filled with a lot of hurt and heartbreak. But each year that I work on those issues, there comes a breaking point where God reminds me that He is Healer, Warrior, King, Father, and Comforter. And my heart is once again healed.

I was praying early this morning and I told God, "I'm just a mess." He gently replied, "Jessi, you are a BEAUTIFUL mess."

We are all broken, but God takes our brokenness and makes something beautiful out of it if we let Him.

So, on July 7th, I'm going to let God take my brokenness--the ashes of my early life--and make a crown of beauty out of them.

I don't plan on being terrified because I know that I am a BEAUTIFUL mess.

You're More Than Enough

It had been one of those days. The kind where I made two pots of dark roast Starbucks coffee and drank it ALL. I had spent 10+ hours working (the kind you do at a real job. Except I get to do it in the comfort of my own home. In my PJs). I won't even mention the two hours of house cleaning I did afterwards.

Someone said it. Someone uttered the words.

"I don't know why you always say you're busy. You can't be that busy. Don't you just sit on the couch all day long and watch TV?"

I'm sure they meant it in a harmless way. But I really had to pray for the whole 15 second pause I took before responding. Thank goodness for God's mercy and grace, otherwise a long list of mean and harsh words would have escaped.

My life is very full and I love that. My days are spent in constant motion. As soon as I hit the pillow at 11:30 every night, I'm already passed out from the long day.

When people make assumptions about my life, I easily get frustrated. But here's what I learned recently: I don't owe anyone an explanation for how I spend my hours between waking and sleeping again. I do, however, owe God one.

Like everyone else, I'm often met with unrealistic expectations from the people around me. And they like to be very vocal about their opinions of how I should be spending those 18 hours I'm awake.

For a long time, I would hold a brave face in front of these people. I didn't allow my tears to form until I got home. My poor husband would sit beside his weeping wife as she asked why the world was convinced she should be doing everything but what she was called to do (at the time, I was merely a housewife who was learning how to cook and clean).

"Get a job," they all said.

And I resisted because God had specifically laid it on my heart to focus on my wife role. Shortly after mastering the kitchen and learning the art of ironing, God brought me a job. I started teaching a few classes at the school.

"Oh, you only work part-time," they said.

And I bravely moved forward, ignoring their remarks. Because I knew that God had still called me to be a good wife who was focused on her home; not how much money her part-time career brought home.

"Oh, you run a business, teach, volunteer, clean, take care of a household and do yard work. Surely, you could do more. Because I'm still convinced you sit on the couch and watch TV all day."

I think it was at this point that I threw my arms up in the air in defeat. Because THERE IS NO PLEASING THE WORLD.

Even if I wanted to, I can't. I can't give enough or do enough to get the world's acceptance. And that's fine with me. Because I'm not interested in the world; I'm interested in God.

I have found that the world, which continually says, "Let's accept everybody for who they are," won't accept me simply as I come. I'm not thin enough. I don't work enough. I don't give enough. I'm not pretty enough. I don't make enough money. I don't abandon my morals and values in pursuit of the impartiality it proclaims, but never gives.

But those are all lies the world tells. They are just lies. There is no truth to them.

God will always accept me just as I am.

And when the world says, "You'll never do or be enough," I know my God always responds with, "You are more than enough."

Miss Jessi, Let's Go On An Adventure

They were the words of a sweet six-year as he held a sword (a stick he found in the grass) and pointed it toward the clear blue sky.

How could I refuse? An adventure? I couldn't remember the last time I had let my imagination run wild. It had been too long, in fact. And the part of me that loved to dream and imagine took over as I smiled and took his hand.

I was in charge of rations (2 water bottles and the car keys) while Asher led us with his swift sword through a scary forest. A.J. was in charge of spotting the 'dangerous lions' who were trying to 'hurt us'.  And so the three of us took off on this made up adventure on the playground as the sun began to set in the distance.

It had been years since I had actually gripped the cool metal of the monkey bars. And though I was certain there was no way I would fit down that twisting slide, I somehow managed to slide down with grace and class. I climbed a miniature rock wall and crossed the 'DANGEROUS rope bridge' that was on the verge of breaking. The drop below was a 'bazillion' miles. So, I was instructed to cross with caution.

I laughed. I played. And I imagined for an hour. And it felt good.

As we were heading back to the car after our long adventure (and we had defeated the evil "Boss Monkey"), Asher tapped my arm and said, "Miss Jessi, I found this tiny cross in the grass. Jesus left it there for me to give to you."

I teared up as he placed a small stick that resembled the cross they learn about every Sunday in our Sunday School class in my hand.

Here's the thing: God uses children to teach us the most beautiful truths. There was no hesitation or doubt. Jesus left it there. He placed it in Asher's path to share with me. And I was reminded that I doubt God too often. There are no coincidences in this life; only God's will.

--Jessica

These Are Some Good Days

My husband and I are in the midst of some serious opposition. And it's O.K. When I signed up for this Jesus thing, Paul warned me. "...join with me in the suffering for the gospel..."

He didn't say, "Join with me on this painless journey."

Or "Join with me on this easy walk with Christ."

Nope.

He chose the word suffering.

So, I faithfully took that first step knowing that opposition would come, and it would come often.

Because Satan is in the business of turmoil, heartache and hardship. Just ask Job. He can vouch for me here.

I knew when I accepted that Sunday School teaching position, it would infuriate Satan.

Because he doesn't want me to share the Good News.

He doesn't want children to hear stories about Joseph forgiving his brothers.

He doesn't want children to stand beside one another singing, "Jesus Loves Me" at the top of their lungs so the whole church building can hear them.

He doesn't want me to win lives for God's kingdom.

Instead, he wants me to fail. He wants me to doubt. He wants me to second guess.

But this week, as opposition barred down on every corner, God said to me: "These are some good days. In the midst of opposition. In the midst of hurt. In the midst of these day-to-day troubles, these are some good days."

Do you know why these are some good days?

Because we are alive.

Because we have one more day to be here, in this world, with these people who need light and salt.

Because today is the day the LORD has made and regardless of what happens, we will rejoice in it.

Because God is faithful.

Because God is good.

Because God loves me.

And He loves you.