The Check Mark Mentality

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I love our pastor's sermons. They are truly phenomenal, which means I usually spend my Sunday morning in a constant state of laughter and tears. While our pastor tells hilariously anecdotes, he is also very real and human. And his raw emotion oftentimes leave me reflecting on myself, hence the tears.

But I also love when we have guest speakers. I love that they have a completely different way of preaching and teaching. I love that God uses them to also evoke strong emotions in me, too.

This past Sunday, one of my favorite guest speakers came to our church. Brother Jeremy is a people person. He loves people and he loves to see them saved. It's evident by the way he interacts with others.

What I always love about his visits is that he reminds me how often I make my Christian walk harder than it has to be. And I'm sure you do the same thing sometimes.

Brother Jeremy calls it 'The Check Mark Mentality'. Did I pray today? Check. Did I read my Bible? Check. Did I do my devotions before bed? Check.

You get the general idea. Sometimes, we find ourselves tracking our progress based on check marks instead of focusing on what God commands us to do: love Him wholeheartedly and love our neighbors the same.

There are days where I'm unable to devote large amounts of time to reading my Bible. Naturally, we all have "Life Happens" moments. I love reading and I love studying, but there are busy seasons of life where I find myself unable to spend a lot of time in God's Word. It really bothers me. And so I begin going over my checklist. Did I pray today? Check. Did I do my devotions? Check. Did I do one act of kindness for a stranger? Check. Did I read my Bible? No check.

What follows that empty box isn't pretty. I beat myself up. I get cranky. I start to get worn out. But then I remember that God is, and always has been, more concerned about my love for Him and others than He is about the check list I mentally go over to track my progress.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-40)

Don't get caught up in "The Check Mark Mentality." Instead, focus on loving and obeying God. God values the fruits of the spirit--"love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)--far more than He does your check list for living the Christian life prosperously.

Friend, God loves you. And with His love, comes a myriad of grace. When you falter, don't refer to your check list. Instead, open your Bible and read story after story of God's faithfulness to people just like you.

--Jessica

The Good Wife Chronicles: His Opinion of Your Beauty

I remember the night quite well. I was sitting around a table at Pizza Hut with several other people and my husband. Out of the blue, someone says very bluntly, "Jessi, since you've gotten married, you've really let yourself go."

I was stunned. The kind of stunned that left me speechless for the remainder of the night. I looked down at my jeans and sweatshirt. Then around the table. Everyone was wearing the exact same jean-and-sweatshirt combo I was. It was, after all, quite cold outside. And as I surveyed my cowboy boots, I wondered what in the world the person to my left was talking about.

My husband and I got into our car and I sighed. He asked what was wrong. 

"So-and-so said I've let myself go since we've gotten married."

Laughter. That's what soon filled our car. My husband laughing hysterically. 

"Why are you laughing?" I asked. "I'm bothered by this statement. I mean, I weigh less now than when we got married. My clothes are much nicer. I even do my hair before leaving the house every day. I don't understand it."

My husband scoffed. "Don't listen to him. You are more beautiful today than the day I married you." 

And because I know my husband cannot tell a lie to save his life, I knew that he meant what he said.

Here's the thing: sometimes people say cruel things. And though I was hurt by the comment, my husband's response soon made me realize that the world's view of me and my husband's are quite different. 

I never want my husband to stop telling me I'm beautiful. Because his opinion on my beauty--not the world's--means the most to me.

I too often believe that we allow the world to have the majority rule in our beauty. We allow the world to tell us that our jean size is too big or too small. We allow the world to tell us that our hair color isn't ideal. We allow the world to tell us that no one could love us unless we look perfect. 

But I've been married long enough now to know that my husband doesn't see my imperfections the way the world does. He doesn't notice the tooth that sits crooked in my mouth. He doesn't notice that I have one strange eyebrow that refuses to look like the other. And he doesn't notice that the top half of my body is a completely different size than the bottom half, which makes swimsuit shopping a nightmare.

Instead, he likes my smile and the way my eyes light up when I get excited. He likes that someday this body of mine will carry his children and then give birth to them. He doesn't see the imperfections. He just sees me. And I try every day to let his opinion on my beauty have the majority rule in my life. 

When your husband tells you you're beautiful, know that he truly means it. He did, after all, fall in love with you--your good and bad qualities. If anyone's opinion is going to matter, it should be his.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

It's Still Good

Life is messy. The kind of messy that makes for sleepless nights and rough days. The kind of messy that a hot cup of coffee can't even solve.

Life is filled with both beautiful and hard times. And in the moments where it's hard to find your footing, where it's hard to breathe, it's important to remember that even though life is messy, it's still good.

If you find yourself in a rough season, keep the faith. Eventually, the storm clouds will pass and the sun will once again shine through.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

My mom and I were going through some things in the garage when she stumbled upon a beaten down box. She opened it up and pulled out a huge book. Inside were awards, accolades and letters from my years in school.

The book was quite intimidating, especially in comparison to my younger brother's. My parents handed down humor, charm, and likability to Zachary. He makes friends--and sustains friendships--far better than I do. He can easily entertain a crowd without much effort. And he's been hired after every job interview he's ever gone on.

My parents, in turn, passed along to me book smarts and the competitive need to always be the best. Neither of our personalities are better than the other. They are, simply, unique in their own aspects. While I can hang an award on the wall to show my achievements, my brother can hang a picture of someone who he fondly calls 'lifelong friend'. Though born into the same family, we are as different as night and day. And so are our talents.

As I was looking through old pictures and papers, reminiscing about the past, I came across my first published work in the 2nd grade. I opened the cover of the book (created in Mrs. Dillworth's 2nd grade classroom) and laughed when I read the 'About the Author' section I wrote at 8 years old:

"Jessi Samson was born and raised in San Marcos, California. She lives with her parents and has one brother. She illustrates all of the pictures that go with her stories."

I think from the very beginning I've always been a writer. It became even clearer when I read the lovely story entitled, "My Dog and the Cat Next Door." In this hilariously honest story, I made sure to mention that my dog liked to 'destroy the backyard' and that I had affectionately named 3 of the 4 kittens given birth by the cat next door, 'Funky, Spunky and Monkey.'

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

I laughed until I realized that those years--those defining years of my youth--were gone. They would never come again. They were lost somewhere in the past. And though I'm not interested in going backwards, I am--and will always be--enamored by the young version of myself who, in her first resume written at 6 years old, wanted to be a 'model' who did commercials and movies instead of the writer/teacher she is today.

No, I no longer want to be a model or tv/movie star. As I have grown, I have found a different passion entirely. My journey was altered too much to ever dream of being those things I once aspired to be. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that God stole my attention. I'm grateful that I found a job that allows me to teach, share and learn. I'm also grateful I've never stopped writing.

I'm no longer the young version of myself that envisioned herself performing for the rest of her life. But my recent trip down memory lane has left me feeling nostalgic. And eternally thankful that my path has led me here, today, to the place I never knew I wanted to be.

A Letter To My Younger Self On My Birthday

Dear 15-Year Old Jessi,

This is a letter for you from your future self. If you have any doubt that it's really me, let me just remind you about that failing grade in Algebra 2. You act as if you don't care, but really, you're screaming out for attention.

Don't worry; in a few months, you'll realize that the only person you're hurting by not doing your homework and purposely failing tests is yourself. You'll turn it around and pass, but not before you ruin any chances of graduating with Honors. Yes, it will sting a little when all your friends are seated in the front row of graduation and you're 15 rows back. Thankfully, you'll manage to forgive yourself in due time.

I know that life is not what you imagined it would be. I'm going to say this with as much love as possible: your life will only get harder before it gets easier.

You'll struggle to buy your first car. Though you will ask for help from family, only one person will rise to the occasion to help you. And when Mom hands you the $500 you're short, you'll feel guilty because it's all the money to her name. But you will make it up to her. You'll take her to lunch every week and buy her a beautiful necklace to wear at your wedding.

You'll struggle to find yourself. You'll get your heart broken and wonder why you weren't good enough. Don't believe that lie. You should see the handsome man you're married to today! I can guarantee you that your small heartbreak will lead you to bigger and better things. You deserve to be someone's first choice. And one day soon, you will be. Take this time to find yourself. Write more. Cry less. Love more. Frown less.

You'll struggle to find you're calling in life. I would tell you what it is, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. My only advice to you on this matter is to take in every experience with fresh eyes. Take advantage of the opportunities sent your way. When you take that public speaking class in college, take notes. Lots of notes. It might be part of your job description later on in life. And when people suggest you should be a public speaker, don't laugh. Seriously. Do. Not. Laugh.

You'll struggle to love yourself. That's O.K. You will get there eventually. Go on lots of long walks early in the morning. Journal. Ask yourself the hard questions. Figure out what qualities you love about yourself and work on the qualities you dislike. Surround yourself with people who encourage you.

You'll struggle in your faith. You'll make some huge mistakes, but God will forgive you. He will lead you to a place where you will study under one of the greatest teachers you've ever met. He will teach you more about faith than you could ever imagine. His wife and nine children will become some of your dearest friends. And God will give you the opportunity to pour yourself into those nine little lives. It's very important that you don't mess up for them. So, mess up now. Learn from your mistakes. It's O.K. God is preparing you. Become a student of the Word. Become teachable.

And finally, you'll struggle to find compassion. Yes, it will nearly kill you to love the people who do not--and never will--love you. But it's important that you love them. It's important that you spend your hours praying for them, loving on them and adding something meaningful to their lives. It will be a big challenge, but when you finally let go and let God have his way in your heart, compassion will come easily.

There's a beautiful life ahead of you. Yes, you will face many trials and hardships that will shape your character, but when you finally arrive at this place that I am now, you'll be grateful for every single one of them.

In a few years, you will meet an elderly man who will challenge everything you know about life. He will tell you stories of his heroic younger self during the Vietnam War. You'll ask him a million questions and he will answer every one of them. Here's the important part: when he leaves, he will place his arm on your shoulder and with tears in his eyes profess, "Kid, you are going to do great things. Don't ever forget that."

This man will speak life into your future. His words will equip you with the confidence that you need to challenge yourself. So be extra kind and make sure you remember that moment. Because to this day, his words often come to mind when you are on the brink of giving up. You are destined for great things. You have been called to live a life so much different from everyone else's. And if it wasn't for the man with the tan baseball cap, you most certainly would have walked away from the great things God has called you to do.

Hang in there, the road gets bleakest right before the sun appears again.

Your Future Self,
Jessica

Encouragement for the Day: 'Content With That'

"For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." 1 Timothy 6:17-18

I'm not sure how I ended up there, but I spent the better part of my morning coffee time looking at pictures of celebrities who had plastic surgery gone awry. From Michael Jackson to Joan Rivers, there's practically no one in Hollywood who hasn't gone under the knife.

Most people reading through the article probably would have laughed hysterically at the lengths people in the 'celebrity' profession go to achieve youth. I, on the other hand, just felt bad. Bad that these people ruined their natural beauty. Bad that these people believe the lie that youth is most desirable. Bad that these people don't seem to have a decent group of people in their corner telling them not to alter their physical appearance. Bad that our society isn't content with what they've been given.

Growing up, I never worried about my body, my hair, my face, or what clothes I dressed in. All I cared about was playing outside. I cared about hide-and-seek, riding my bike and swimming. But when you're a dancer, eventually you come to terms with the fact that you have to start worrying about these things long before you're supposed to.

My hair always had to be curled for recitals. Make-up always had to be put on. Sequins, glitter and tulle were the necessities of a young dancer's life. And of course I was trained very young to always put on a BIG SMILE as I danced around the stage in front of a crowd of people.

The little girl wearing make-up, large amounts of hairspray and itching from the sequins digging into her back felt so glamorous as the crowd clapped enthusiastically after a performance. But she was never more happy than when it came time to wipe it all off when she got home and run outside to play.

I never bought into the lie that we have to alter ourselves to be beautiful or accepted. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I had the right people in my corner. They focused on my internal attributes. Intelligence, talents, and wit. Sure, I had a few people mention that I was slightly chubby for a young girl of my age. But I never noticed. Honestly, I was perfectly content with who I was. I was--and still am--with all that I had been given.

These days, I'm surrounded by people who are focused on changing their outer appearance. And I'm fine with that if it's for the right reasons. The problem with altering our appearance is that we're trying to obtain an ideal that isn't real. We aren't content with the laugh (or frown) lines that appear on our faces the older we get. Gray hair is a reminder that youth is fleeting. And our bones and muscles ache more as we age. We become discontented with our lives based on one simple truth: we all grow older. Every one of us.

Yes, I'm still young and someday I, too, will have laugh lines, gray hair, and an aching body. But I know that I will be content with that. Because I prefer to age the way God always intended. Outer beauty fades, but the inner one never does.

If you're struggling to find contentment with your appearance today, remember that God made us all different. He dreamed us up long before we were even created. You were given much thought, dear friend, don't forget to love the body you were given.

--Jessica

The Truth About the Church Pew

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Every Sunday, the sanctuary is filled with people at my church. Members. Non-members. Visitors. Whatever their title, we all enter into the House of God broken.

Some prefer to hide their brokenness. They don't venture far from their pew. Every "How are you today?" is answered with "Great."

Some prefer to act as though they've never been broken. They smile. They're joyful. Day in and day out. Week after week. Year after year. There is no depth to their conversations.

Some prefer to acknowledge their brokenness in the form of silent tears and prayers.

The truth about the church pew is that we all sit in their aged wood broken. We all are plagued by the ills of this temporary world. We have all experienced pain, hurt, and heartbreak. And though some try to hide it, I know that our pews are not filled with righteous Christians who have never sinned or never will again.

Instead, I know that our pews--like all church pews--are filled with people who need Jesus. They are all filled with people who need encouragement. They are all filled with people who have weathered many storms.

Thank God for those church pews. That they are waiting every Sunday for the masses of broken people who sit in them in desperate need of the healing power of Jesus Christ.

When you find yourself in your church pew this Sunday, bow a humbled head and thank God for the faithful chair that waits for you to fill it every weekend.