A Letter To My Younger Self On My Birthday

Dear 15-Year Old Jessi,

This is a letter for you from your future self. If you have any doubt that it's really me, let me just remind you about that failing grade in Algebra 2. You act as if you don't care, but really, you're screaming out for attention.

Don't worry; in a few months, you'll realize that the only person you're hurting by not doing your homework and purposely failing tests is yourself. You'll turn it around and pass, but not before you ruin any chances of graduating with Honors. Yes, it will sting a little when all your friends are seated in the front row of graduation and you're 15 rows back. Thankfully, you'll manage to forgive yourself in due time.

I know that life is not what you imagined it would be. I'm going to say this with as much love as possible: your life will only get harder before it gets easier.

You'll struggle to buy your first car. Though you will ask for help from family, only one person will rise to the occasion to help you. And when Mom hands you the $500 you're short, you'll feel guilty because it's all the money to her name. But you will make it up to her. You'll take her to lunch every week and buy her a beautiful necklace to wear at your wedding.

You'll struggle to find yourself. You'll get your heart broken and wonder why you weren't good enough. Don't believe that lie. You should see the handsome man you're married to today! I can guarantee you that your small heartbreak will lead you to bigger and better things. You deserve to be someone's first choice. And one day soon, you will be. Take this time to find yourself. Write more. Cry less. Love more. Frown less.

You'll struggle to find you're calling in life. I would tell you what it is, but I don't want to ruin the surprise. My only advice to you on this matter is to take in every experience with fresh eyes. Take advantage of the opportunities sent your way. When you take that public speaking class in college, take notes. Lots of notes. It might be part of your job description later on in life. And when people suggest you should be a public speaker, don't laugh. Seriously. Do. Not. Laugh.

You'll struggle to love yourself. That's O.K. You will get there eventually. Go on lots of long walks early in the morning. Journal. Ask yourself the hard questions. Figure out what qualities you love about yourself and work on the qualities you dislike. Surround yourself with people who encourage you.

You'll struggle in your faith. You'll make some huge mistakes, but God will forgive you. He will lead you to a place where you will study under one of the greatest teachers you've ever met. He will teach you more about faith than you could ever imagine. His wife and nine children will become some of your dearest friends. And God will give you the opportunity to pour yourself into those nine little lives. It's very important that you don't mess up for them. So, mess up now. Learn from your mistakes. It's O.K. God is preparing you. Become a student of the Word. Become teachable.

And finally, you'll struggle to find compassion. Yes, it will nearly kill you to love the people who do not--and never will--love you. But it's important that you love them. It's important that you spend your hours praying for them, loving on them and adding something meaningful to their lives. It will be a big challenge, but when you finally let go and let God have his way in your heart, compassion will come easily.

There's a beautiful life ahead of you. Yes, you will face many trials and hardships that will shape your character, but when you finally arrive at this place that I am now, you'll be grateful for every single one of them.

In a few years, you will meet an elderly man who will challenge everything you know about life. He will tell you stories of his heroic younger self during the Vietnam War. You'll ask him a million questions and he will answer every one of them. Here's the important part: when he leaves, he will place his arm on your shoulder and with tears in his eyes profess, "Kid, you are going to do great things. Don't ever forget that."

This man will speak life into your future. His words will equip you with the confidence that you need to challenge yourself. So be extra kind and make sure you remember that moment. Because to this day, his words often come to mind when you are on the brink of giving up. You are destined for great things. You have been called to live a life so much different from everyone else's. And if it wasn't for the man with the tan baseball cap, you most certainly would have walked away from the great things God has called you to do.

Hang in there, the road gets bleakest right before the sun appears again.

Your Future Self,
Jessica