Preparing For Marriage: The Hard Work Your Wife Role Entails

"Anything worthwhile is hard work." And marriage is no exception to that rule. 

If our country's current divorce rate--50%--is any indication of our nation's view on marriage, it's that hard work is too hard. 

It also indicates that a lot of marriages fail that don't have to. Naturally, there are extraordinary cases where it's the only option. But I'm not talking about those; I'm talking about the marriages that don't have to end.

I firmly believe that the majority of marriages end due to a lack of knowledge. That knowledge? Marriage is hard work and it can't survive without Jesus. 

We live in a culture that twists lust into love and encourages adultery, lying and stealing. If you don't believe me, turn on the T.V. Take a look around your neighborhood. Talk to your coworkers. Pick up a best-selling novel. The point is: our culture is trying to destroy perfectly good marriages over the idea that they're imperfect. 

So, what does this mean for you? It means that you are going to have to spend every waking moment of married life fighting for your marriage. That makes marriage sound impossible, doesn't it? It also makes it sound like I'm attempting to talk you out of marriage. That's not what I'm intending here.

Here's what I'm trying to do: I'm trying to prepare you for your wife role. I'm trying to give you all of the information up front so you're not shocked when your marriage goes through rough patches. I'm trying to arm you with every weapon you'll ever need to fight against the forces that will no doubt try to destroy your union. Because they will come. And you can't fight for something you're not prepared for.

At times, you'll be battling external forces. The loss of a job. Illness. Family members that are determined to keep you apart. Friends that don't want to share you with someone else. Mentors and advisers that give you advice from the flesh--not from the Word. Acquaintances that will attempt to tarnish your name and reputation. Strangers that will bad mouth marriage, speak negativity over you and attempt to harm you. There are numerous external forces and they will catch you at your weakest moments. 

Then, there are internal forces. Your husband will have a rough day at work and he'll come home in a terrible mood. You'll be physically and emotionally exhausted from time-to-time because keeping a house, running errands, working and church activities will wear you out. You'll snap at him. Maybe you'll nag him to help you take out the trash. Whatever the internal forces are, they'll be a result of both of you being human and imperfect. In my experience, these forces are worse than external forces. Because you can stand strong by each other to take on the world; you may not be holding hands as you battle it out over who gets to do the dishes. 

Marriage is hard work, but if you understand that now--if you prepare yourself for the hard parts of this God-ordained union--then you will enjoy the good and easy moments to their fullest. Marriage can be hard work, but it can also be fun and satisfying. The amount of work you're willing to put into your marriage will determine your success. The most successful marriages I know have worked through the darkest moments only to reach the other side stronger and better than ever.

So, how do you prepare for the hard work ahead:

1. Get in the habit of praying for your husband now.

That's right, right now! Don't wait until you're married, start praying for his relationship with God, spiritual leadership, health, humility, virtue, responsibilities, prayer life, obedience, patience, and desire to protect your future marriage. Make a point to pray for him whenever he crosses your mind. When you get married, you'll already be in the habit of praying for him. And he will need your prayers every single day.

2. Read your Bible.

I love reading about Ruth and Esther. After one read through, I spend several days studying out each woman--OFTEN. I study how they respond to authority figures, their husbands, and God. I study how they conduct themselves in the presence of others. I study the words they use to speak. I study them until I have learned something new about each lady. These days, I know their stories backwards and forwards, but I didn't always. I wasn't prepared for my wife role when I got married. These stories were just stories to me. Now, they're tools I use to help myself understand this wife role better. God put these ladies' stories in the Bible for you and me. Read them. Study them. Get to know them. They are wonderful examples of Godly wives. 

3. Don't get wrapped up in the world.

The world is full of interesting people who will cross your path. They'll try convince you that you're too young to get married. They'll tell you that you 'have to take the car for a test ride before you buy it.' And the world will try to sell you on the idea that if you're ever unhappy in your marriage, you can always end it. Don't listen to the world. Don't get caught up in the lies. When you let in the world's view, you'll set yourself up for failure. Focus instead on what God says about marriage. 

"...a man will eave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4)

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." (Colossians 3:18-19)

The best way to prepare for marriage is to pray it about often. God loves when his children come to him seeking wisdom. He freely gives it once asked. Ask for his wisdom concerning your future wife role. Ask him to help you prepare for the hard work that lies ahead. And ask him to protect your marriage at all times.

Your Wife-Friend In Christ,

Jessica

Encouragement for the day: John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

The world is a troubling place. If you focus too long on all that's wrong with it, you will end up frustrated and anxious. Peace and joy will leave you. Instead, they'll be replaced with discord and sorrow.

My job calls me to work in an environment with people from all walks of life. Some are old and some are young. But their concerns are all the same.

"I'm worried about my healthcare."

"I'm scared for my children's future."

"I can't find work."

"I'm struggling to keep up with technology demands."

"I'm struggling to get out of bed in the morning."

"Why can't people love each other better?"

The world will trouble your heart. It will give you heartache and chaos. It will take from you and give nothing kind in return. The ruler of the world is not the same ruler of the Heavens. Our God is so much greater than Satan. Our God is so much greater than our fears and shortcomings.

Rest assured, Jesus tells us in John 14:27 that he will give you peace when the world is troubling you. And when you find yourself scared and distressed, Jesus will calm your storms and take your fears. Give them over to him. He will give you peace, dear friend.

Set your eyes on Heaven--not on this world.

--Jessica

The Good Wife Chronicles: When He Drives You Insane

On the outside, married life seems pretty glamorous. At least, it did to me before I was married. I loved that quote about getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night. It just made marriage sound so fun! 

Don't misunderstand me: marriage is fun. But the repeat sleepovers eventually become the 'norm' and you realize that you actually have to share a bed with someone. Until you die.

The other night, I woke up to the back of Kelly's head slamming into the front of my head. I screamed out a chorus of "owwwwwiieeeee" for two minutes straight. He gently patted my stomach and said, "Are you OK?" before passing back out.

I laid awake the rest of the night, mumbling under my breath. I bet I'm bleeding all over the pillow. I need a bigger bed. I need more pillows to use as a massive barrier...why are all three dogs piled on our small bed? I. CAN'T. SLEEP.

It's these nights that make for really long days. They also reveal one universal truth: eventually, he will drive you insane.

My husband woke up that next morning--after head-butting me--to a cranky wife. I hate to admit this because I'm usually not a cranky wife. But life was stressful and I hadn't had a good night's sleep in over two weeks. For the record, my nose was extremely sensitive that morning, too.

I attempted to brush it off but when my husband decided to stick his entire palm on my face to greet me good morning, I came unglued.

I'm pretty good at ignoring my husband's bad habits. Hey, we all have them. He ignores mine, too. But when he face-palmed me that morning, I had a meltdown. I angrily packed his lunch. I angrily ironed his clothes. And I angrily kissed him good-bye. When he was gone, I angrily sat down on the couch and proclaimed to the silence that I would not be able to do anything today because I had to make an appointment for my broken nose.

Looking back at my reaction, I know things were not handled well on my part. At all. And I may have overreacted.

Here's what I did wrong:
1. I did not sleep in even though I really needed to.
2. I chose anger over peace.
3. I chose to let the occurrence ruin my day.

Here's what I did right:
1. I did not say anything harsh or angry to my husband.

Hey, that's progress.

99 times out of 100, I will respond correctly to the things that annoy me about my husband. I will ignore, brush off, or simply laugh. But every once in a while, a perfect storm is set up and I fail miserably. The other day was a good example of that.

So what do you do when your husband drives you insane? You have two paths to choose from: engage or ignore.

Engage
Small annoyances can begin wars. They can divide a home and destroy its peace. Children are forced to choose sides and no one ends up happy. Winning a battle you've started with your spouse will not make you happy. It will drive a wedge between you. As the years progress, that wedge will widen until the divorce papers are served. A marriage that had the potential to set a good example for your children and the young people in your life will be ruined. A marriage that had the potential to do great things for the Lord will be ruined. If you choose to engage, you will start a war that neither of you can win.

Ignore
One of the best lessons I've learned in this life is to ignore people when they do things that annoy me. Here's why: first, you're not encouraging their behavior. And secondly, you're not allowing your negative emotions to emerge. Eventually, they will stop the behavior because you're not responding to it. However, people are creatures of habit so it may come out again in the future. Just ignore. When you choose to overlook their annoying behavior--and remember that they're only human--you're choosing joy. You're choosing peace. And you're choosing to set your relationship above all else. It's the wiser path. Trust me.

I was on the verge of engaging my husband the other day. But I'm thankful God reminded me that small annoyances are just a part of marriage. If you focus on them, you will destroy your chances of having a joyful union.

Choose to ignore and move on. You married a sinning, flawed man, give him some grace. He needs it more than you know.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica

Did you like this post?

To read more of my series, The Good Wife Chronicles, check out past posts below!

Be His Loudest Cheerleader
Dealing With the Proverbs 31 Woman
The Soul Mate Complex

Michal's Mistakes

Moonshiners Son Becomes Multi-Millionaire Book Review

Photo Credit: Charley Jordan
https://www.facebook.com/moonshinersson

When Charley Jordan walked into my classroom in November, he had one goal in mind: learn how to market the book he wrote about his life journey from the son of a Moonshiner to the president of a poultry company.

Immediately, I was interested in reading his book. I had watched an episode of Moonshiner's on the Discovery Channel and was curious to see things from the perspective of a child who had witnessed his parents making and selling moonshine illegally.

I was pleasantly surprised several chapters in to see that the book itself does not focus mainly on moonshine; it focuses on Charley's journey from his colorful upbringing along the Illinois River where his father and mother made moonshine to make ends meet to his teenage years where his mother helped him get a job as a chicken hanger at a poultry processing plant in Siloam Springs. From there, Charley's journey climbing the corporate ladder begins. And yes, he does become a multi-millionaire. But instead of bragging about his money, he uses his experiences to help readers understand that money can always be earned--it's how you spend and save that's important. As Charley puts it, "I don't believe there is much difference between people who have money and people that don't have money."

What I love most about this book is that Charley worked hard to overcome the stigma of being a poor "moonshiner's son" to become a man that genuinely cared about the well-being of his employees. I also love that Charley's wife, Maxine, turned out to be the steady support system he needed to rebuild a broken life and become, essentially, the man he is today. And from personal experience, I can tell you that Charley is one-in-a-million.

I laughed all through the book, ached for the young man who was trying to figure his life out, and then cheered for the executive who focused all of his efforts on improving the working conditions of his employees. I won't give away his insider secrets, you'll have to buy the book to find out what they are, but I believe this book is for anyone who comes from a humble beginning. I loved this book and I know you will, too!

You can buy Charley's book, Moonshiner's Son, on Amazon Paperback, Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble.
Follow Charley on Facebook and Twitter to get updates on Charley, his dog Earl, and his book.

My Favorite Charles Spurgeon Quotes

Lately, I've been reading up on the life of Charles Spurgeon. And I'm amazed at how God used him in the New Park Street Chapel to reach out to so many lives in London in the 1800's. But, more importantly, I really love reading the words he spoke, thought, and wrote down. Spurgeon never fails to inspire me. So, I've decided to gather some of his words all in one place.

Some of my favorite Charles Spurgeon quotes:

"All afflictions are not chastisements for sin; there are some afflictions that have quite another end and object."

"How angels thus keep us we cannot tell. Whether they repel demons, counteract spiritual plots, or even ward off the subtler physical forces of disease, we do not know. Perhaps we shall one day stand amazed at the multiplied services which the unseen bands have rendered to us."

"Do nothing when you are out of temper, and then you will have the less to undo."

"Treat all creatures kindly, then, so far as you can, for the great Creator's sake."

"We should work with the hands of Martha, but yet keep near the Master with the heart of Mary; we want a combination of activity and meditation."

"If there is anything that is a miniature picture of heaven upon earth, it is a pair of Christians happily united, whose children grow up in the fear of the Lord, and render to them increased comfort and joy every day. Oh, how much some of us owe to the gospel for the happiness of our homes!"

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."

"A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble."

"Trials teach us what we are; they dig up the soil, and let us see what we are made of."

"I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary."

--Jessica

The Best Valentine's Day Present

I remember our first married Valentine's quite well. In fact, I doubt I'll ever forget it. My husband brought me home a gnome. Yes, you read that right. A gnome.

It's one of those memories I like to look back on and laugh. Hysterically.

Kelly walked in the door that night and ran straight to our bedroom. He shut the door and I could hear him hurriedly wrapping something.

Of course, I was excited. He's gotten me jewelry, I thought to myself. It's what I had asked for. And I married a man who would definitely buy me jewelry. He did when we were dating.

He came out of the room carrying a lop-sided saran-wrapped bag. I think my mouth dropped open. I instantly knew he did not get me jewelry. I could distinctly see a single red rose sticking out the top of the messily-assembled bag and a brown basket.

Smiling, I took the bag and began unwrapping. Inside was a small vase holding the single red rose, a pack of gum and a garden gnome.

I picked up the gnome and looked at him. "This was an interesting choice."

"You said the other day that you always wanted a garden gnome," he smugly replied.

I gave him a kiss and started laughing. Only my husband would come home on Valentine's day with a gnome. But you know what, it was the most thoughtful gift I've ever been given. The best Valentine's Day present was the laughter that accompanied that silly garden gnome.

That Valentine's Day taught me a lot about my husband. First and foremost, he's a unique man. A few months later, he gave me a vacuum for our first anniversary. He likes to buy me things for the house because he knows that's where my heart is. And secondly, he's a much better listener than I give him credit for.

We spend a lot of time focusing on the idea of Valentine's Day. Flowers, chocolate, and jewelry. But Valentine's Day is about celebrating the person who has stolen your heart. Not just today, but every day.

What's the best Valentine's Day present you've ever been given?

--Jessica

Divine Appointments

I believe in divine appointments. Meetings arranged by God at a specific point in time for two peoples’ lives to collide.

I haven’t always believed in these meetings as I do now. As a teenager, I was under the impression that the only reason people entered my life was to take something from me. But I have come to understand that every person who has crossed my path has left something wonderful behind. It may take me years to uncover the ‘gift’ they leave, but when I come across it I am so grateful for them.

My life has collided with numerous people over the years. People who bring something beautiful to my existence and people who take more than I have to offer. People who encourage me and people who try to tear me down. People who become like family and people who I have to walk away from. People who stick around and people who are just passing through.

Recently, God has arranged some pretty miraculous meetings for me. And He has solidified my belief that nothing in this life happens by accident.

Two weeks ago, he walked two students into my classroom that lived in the same town I grew up in. We formed a bond based on a place 1,500 miles away. All of my students bring joy and encouragement to my life, but I was pleasantly surprised to find two people, in the middle of Small Town USA, who come from the same place I do.

A couple of days later, a woman who opened many doors for me walked back into my life. I hugged her and thanked her over and over again for all the help she had given me. This woman invested great amounts of time and energy into my life. She was floored when I told her all her hard work had sprouted seed after seed in my life. Her investment is STILL blessing me to this day! God knew I wanted to thank her and planned a divine appointment on my calendar just so I could.

One of my favorite meetings happened a few months ago. A student of mine who I had been praying fervently for had been on my mind. I hadn’t seen her in over a year and just kept thinking about her. On a random Saturday in December, I literally ran into her at Sam’s Club. Everything I had been praying for had come to pass in her life. I wanted to cry tears of joy! I thanked God then—and still do—for that divine appointment. What an encouragement it was to see that my investment—the hours I had spent praying—had all come to pass. If you're wondering if prayer works, take my word for it: IT MOST CERTAINLY DOES.

There are no accidental meetings; they’re all divine appointments. There will be many people who cross your path. God has already equipped you with everything you need to help them on their journey. Because isn't that what we’re all doing here? We’re helping each other, encouraging each other and lifting each other up as we navigate the rocky waters of this life. If we’re not doing that, then maybe it’s time to start. 

The people that you meet in this life come to you by no accident. Yes, even the difficult ones. Thank God for his divine appointments. Make the most of the time he gives you with others. Thank the people you need to. Invest in the ones you need to. Encourage and build up. Have deep conversations about faith and life. Leave each person better than when you found them.

Take care of the people that you meet in this life. Even the people who continually take from you. I have never regretted investing in someone who has not returned the favor. When you aim to do good always—even when the world tells you that some people don’t deserve it—you will be shocked to see that God will bring people into your life that will build you up and restore your faith. The more you invest, the more people God will send to invest in you.

--Jessica