On the outside, married life seems pretty glamorous. At least, it did to me before I was married. I loved that quote about getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night. It just made marriage sound so fun!
Don't misunderstand me: marriage is fun. But the repeat sleepovers eventually become the 'norm' and you realize that you actually have to share a bed with someone. Until you die.
The other night, I woke up to the back of Kelly's head slamming into the front of my head. I screamed out a chorus of "owwwwwiieeeee" for two minutes straight. He gently patted my stomach and said, "Are you OK?" before passing back out.
I laid awake the rest of the night, mumbling under my breath. I bet I'm bleeding all over the pillow. I need a bigger bed. I need more pillows to use as a massive barrier...why are all three dogs piled on our small bed? I. CAN'T. SLEEP.
It's these nights that make for really long days. They also reveal one universal truth: eventually, he will drive you insane.
My husband woke up that next morning--after head-butting me--to a cranky wife. I hate to admit this because I'm usually not a cranky wife. But life was stressful and I hadn't had a good night's sleep in over two weeks. For the record, my nose was extremely sensitive that morning, too.
I attempted to brush it off but when my husband decided to stick his entire palm on my face to greet me good morning, I came unglued.
I'm pretty good at ignoring my husband's bad habits. Hey, we all have them. He ignores mine, too. But when he face-palmed me that morning, I had a meltdown. I angrily packed his lunch. I angrily ironed his clothes. And I angrily kissed him good-bye. When he was gone, I angrily sat down on the couch and proclaimed to the silence that I would not be able to do anything today because I had to make an appointment for my broken nose.
Looking back at my reaction, I know things were not handled well on my part. At all. And I may have overreacted.
Here's what I did wrong:
1. I did not sleep in even though I really needed to.
2. I chose anger over peace.
3. I chose to let the occurrence ruin my day.
Here's what I did right:
1. I did not say anything harsh or angry to my husband.
Hey, that's progress.
99 times out of 100, I will respond correctly to the things that annoy me about my husband. I will ignore, brush off, or simply laugh. But every once in a while, a perfect storm is set up and I fail miserably. The other day was a good example of that.
So what do you do when your husband drives you insane? You have two paths to choose from: engage or ignore.
Engage
Small annoyances can begin wars. They can divide a home and destroy its peace. Children are forced to choose sides and no one ends up happy. Winning a battle you've started with your spouse will not make you happy. It will drive a wedge between you. As the years progress, that wedge will widen until the divorce papers are served. A marriage that had the potential to set a good example for your children and the young people in your life will be ruined. A marriage that had the potential to do great things for the Lord will be ruined. If you choose to engage, you will start a war that neither of you can win.
Ignore
One of the best lessons I've learned in this life is to ignore people when they do things that annoy me. Here's why: first, you're not encouraging their behavior. And secondly, you're not allowing your negative emotions to emerge. Eventually, they will stop the behavior because you're not responding to it. However, people are creatures of habit so it may come out again in the future. Just ignore. When you choose to overlook their annoying behavior--and remember that they're only human--you're choosing joy. You're choosing peace. And you're choosing to set your relationship above all else. It's the wiser path. Trust me.
I was on the verge of engaging my husband the other day. But I'm thankful God reminded me that small annoyances are just a part of marriage. If you focus on them, you will destroy your chances of having a joyful union.
Choose to ignore and move on. You married a sinning, flawed man, give him some grace. He needs it more than you know.
Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica
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To read more of my series, The Good Wife Chronicles, check out past posts below!
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