The Truth About Forgiveness

Forgiveness - to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong); to stop blaming (someone).

We've all been wounded by the choices and actions of others. People break hearts.They spread rumors and lies. They steal. They bully. They make us feel inadequate and unworthy.

And the feelings that come with our hurts are hard to carry around. Grudges, ill feelings and blame are heavy burdens.

But they don't have to be.

I think the biggest misconception about forgiveness is that we have to "forgive and forget". But I don't agree with that statement entirely. I think we put high expectations on ourselves when we force ourselves into believing that in order to forgive someone, we must forget their past transgressions.

The definition of forgiveness mainly deals with our feelings. We need to 'stop feeling anger'. We need to 'stop blaming'. We can't control other people's actions; we can only control ours.

Forgiveness is about letting go of angry feelings because it doesn't benefit us to hold onto them. Take it from someone who has had a lot of forgiving to do in her short lifetime: there is nothing that cages a person more than allowing ourselves to hold onto other people's actions.

We can't undo the past. We can't change people. But we can move forward.

The truth about forgiveness:
1. It's more about releasing the past than it is about releasing the person. 
People are human and they're not perfect. From time-to-time, they will make choices that will affect us negatively. The longer we hold onto the past, the more we will live in the past. Release those feelings; let them live in the past with the actions that hurt you. We should never let the past to rob us of today's peace.

2. A good memory serves us well.
This may sound strange, but I really do believe that we should make a conscious effort to remember how people treat us. Here's why: when someone repeatedly wrongs me, I look at it as opportunity. That's right, opportunity. Yes, it bothers me that they continually try to wound me, but I understand something they don't: life is short. Too short to treat people ill. So, I'm going to make it my mission to love them well in spite of their actions. I'm going to lead by example. Which leads to my next point...

3. Sometimes, you just have to wish them well and walk away.
We all have different types of strength because God made us all different. I have an iron-clad strength when it comes to forgiveness. You wrong me; trust me, I've already let it go. I'm not big on grudges or ill feelings. I don't have time for them because I find joy in being at peace with everyone. But that's not the case for some people because the past is difficult to let go of. Especially when we see the person often.

Here's some sound advice that works: always be kind, but don't feel like you have an obligation to stick around.

If a friend wrongs you, you can still be nice and say hello. But you don't have to go to their children's birthday parties or grab a cup of coffee with them. If it's a family member, tell them you love them when they greet you at the family reunion, then choose to hang out in a room they're not in. If it's a co-worker, be civil in the break room, but focus on your work. If the problem persists, talk to your boss.

The truth about forgiveness is that it's a positive reaction you choose in response to someone else's negative action.

You don't have to lower yourself to their level; choose to take the high road. Choose joy and peace over anger. Don't allow the actions of others to control you.

You control your own emotions.

Forgiveness can be a difficult road to walk down, but don't worry: YOU'VE GOT THIS.

--Jessica