Loving Others, It's Hard!

Loving others unconditionally is difficult. But, rest assured, the Bible gives us a sound definition of what unconditional love looks like:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Unconditional means "not limited by conditions." Simply put: love should be absolute--pure and unrestrained. There should be no constraints.

But we sure love to put conditions on our love for others, don't we?

"I'll help you do this if you help me do that." 

"I'll give you this but you owe me 'big time'."

"Whatever you borrow, I'm going to charge you interest."

There are is shortage of double standards when we're loving people. The problem is that God never intended love to look like the above scenarios. Where there is love, there should also be mercy and grace.

To be perfectly honest, I struggle daily to love others unconditionally. I'm constantly warring with my flesh, which is telling me that I should choose conditional love instead. If there isn't a transaction that benefits me, then I'm not interested in giving my time, talents or possessions to someone who desperately needs it.

But God sure loves to remind me that our love for others should always be pure and unconstrained. And he does it by placing multiple people in my life who need my unconditional love.

The challenge: they don't love me unconditionally. In fact, they attack my character, my choices, and my Christ.

So, how do I set aside those angry feelings and love them anyway?

1. Open the Word of God
There's nothing more convicting than reading from God's Word how we're suppose to love others.

My choice passages:
The Crucifixion of Jesus Luke 23:26-43
The Parable of the Good Samaritan Luke 10: 25-37

Both passages remind me that love isn't self-seeking; it's selfless and sincere.

2. Don't Open Your Mouth
I have found from personal experience that love is oftentimes silent. There has never been a time in my life where words have helped me love others better. In fact, they have often been my downfall when it comes to loving others unconditionally. The simple truth is: our words can do more harm than good.

My choice verses:
"Whoever derides (taunts) their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue." Proverbs 11:12
"Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." Proverbs 17:28
"Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity (catastrophe)." Proverbs 21:23

Sometimes, the best way to love people is to remain quiet.

3. Remain Open-Minded
When we truly have a desire to love people, God allows our minds and hearts to remain open.

There is a person in my life who I love very dearly. I have invested more money, possessions and time into this person than I have other person in my life to date. I'm not saying that with a prideful spirit. I've been humbled by the way God has allowed me to help this person with whatever they have needed. I have never expected to be repaid for any of the things I have given to this person.

Or so I thought.

Recently, God revealed to me that I do have an expectation for this person. The expectation? To treat me decently. I don't want any form of material payment--I want the payment of respect.

The problem with this expectation is that it is a condition I've put on my love for this person. When they insult me (oftentimes resulting in numerous tears), I am always shocked. "Don't they remember what I've done for them, LORD?" I often pray.

Those prayers are always selfish. They are always sad. Because I'm loving them with one main constraint: that they will treat me well because I've treated them well.

That's why it's so important to remain open-minded. There are no expectations attached to God's blessings; so why do we attach expectations to others when we bless them?

Loving others is hard. That's why our hearts and mind should always be open, ready to give to those in their time of need. Regardless of their social class, skin color, background, faith, etc.

The takeaway: Every single person we come into contact with needs our unconditional love. Is your love for the people God brings into your life pure? Or is tainted by conditions and expectations?

--Jessica