The Good Wife Chronicles: A Water Heater Mishap And A Feisty Lawn Mower

Yesterday was one of those days. You know the kind. You plan out the entire day from start to finish. Walk the dogs. Pack hubby's lunch. Iron hubby's clothes. Make breakfast (for both humans and dogs) and then spend 15 minutes of quiet time sitting on the couch, staring out the window at the cars that pass by, sipping Gevalia coffee. And after my 15 minutes of quiet time, I had planned on cleaning, mowing the lawn and then taking a shower.

But then life does what it always does. It gets in the way of those wonderful plans I had. I think I made it to pack hubby's lunch before my entire day flipped itself upside down. "There's no hot water," my mom said as she filled up the sink to wash my dirty dishes. I know, my mom spoils me rotten. She even folds my laundry and buys me Snack Packs, as if I'm still 13 years old or something. Back to the point. There was no hot water. And hubby confirmed the fact when he opened the bathroom door and zero steam came pouring out behind him as it usually does after his morning showers. He likes his water hot, hot hot. Unlike me. I'm cool with lukewarm water. 

So, my husband did what any good husband would do. He opened up the Closet of Death. O.K. before you think I'm still obsessed with Harry Potter, I'm not. In fact, the Closet of Death was given it's name after what appeared to be a small rodent died inside and was vacuumed up by mistake one cold wintery day. I was vacuuming in the Closet of Death and didn't notice the small pile of bones sitting behind the water heater. In my defense, we are renting. That dead rodent could have been there for years. I'm pretty good at smelling out dead critters in my house. I'm pretty sure that small, dead rodent was there for a long time. Especially when I pulled out the hose and asked my mom what was stuck to the end of it.

Mom: "Uh...that looks like the remains of a mouse."

Me: "I am NOT touching it." 

I then proceeded to flail about like any girl would do when she realizes those white toothpick-like things sticking out the end of the vacuum are actually bones. Real bones. Long story short: my mom finished cleaning the Closet of Death and we do not go in there. Anymore. The Closet of Death is hubby's job to clean. Don't feel bad for him. He has no other chores. I'm serious! I am OCD about cleaning. I want it cleaned right away and the way I want it. So, we both just agreed I do all the cleaning and he sticks to helping out when I request it. Hey, it works for us.

Right, so when we realized that the water heater pilot light was refusing to light, my husband called our landlord. Yes, my husband does all the calling in this house. I answer phones. I take messages. I do not call. It's strange. I'm terrified of calling people. I blame text messaging. We weren't really sure when someone was supposed to arrive to fix the water heater. So, I sent my mom with my card and the empty gas can to the gas station. 

I managed to clean the house. I did the basics. Vacuum. Tidy up cluttered areas. Dust. Wipe off the counter tops. Like I said, I only did the basics. My mom returned with a full gas can and I marched outside to Old Trusty--it's what I call the lawnmower. It's also what I call my husband's old car. Anyway, I put in the gas. Pushed the little red button four times like I always do and then proceeded to try and start it. This lawnmower of ours may have mismatched tires, a broken handle and is tricky to turn off (you have to put it on the grass and slide this little silver coin-sized part forward and pray that it goes off) but it has always been faithful. Much to my disappointment, it would not start. So, I did what I always do. I found my mom. She came out, rolled up her sleeves and then tried to start it. She couldn't do it either. Then, we do what we always do next. We ask the neighbor for help. But he couldn't start it either. 

Neighbor: "It's flooded. You can use mine when I'm done fixing it. Other Neighbor ran over a rock and bent the blade. I've been working on fixing it all morning."

Me: "I think I'm going to leave it right here for my husband to do when he gets home tonight."

Neighbor: "Hey, that's a good plan."

With that, I trekked inside sweaty and dirty. Oh, and unable to shower. Luckily, my mother taught me some important lessons as a young girl. When there's no shower, you grab a washcloth and clean off all the dirt. So, that's what I did. Hey, I'm not proud of this fact. I can't even believe I'm admitting it, but sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

We ended up waiting all day for the water heater fixer to arrive. He looked completely confused as I answered the door and ushered him inside. I took him to the water heater and proceeded to tell him what I believed was the problem.

Me: "My husband said that light thingy was out and he tried to relight the light and then it went out and so I think it's the light thingy."

Water Heater Fixer: "You mean the pilot light."

Me: "Yeah, uh huh."

Water Heater Fixer: "I think I see the problem. There's too much cat hair stuck in the screen."

Me: "You mean dog hair?"
Water Heater Fixer: "Yeah, uh huh."

I spent the rest of the time he was there wondering if I was going to have to call 911 because he sounded like he was going to collapse from all coughing he was doing as he cleaned off the screen and swept up the mess. How was I supposed to know it should be cleaned off every once in a while? I know nothing about water heaters. When he was finished, water-heater-fixer guy handed me the broom handle and said, "There's a pile of dirt underneath that." I took the broom from him. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

With that, I sent the guy on his way and sat down on the couch with a large iced tea in hand to watch the cars pass by.