The Big Picture

I'm always in a rush.

Each day, the To-Do List gets longer and longer.

And my responsibilities grow.
As a perfectionist, the pressure of those responsibilities weighs on me.

I take on too much.

I expect too much out of myself.

And I fail.

It took me sitting in a Sunday school room with my pastor, his wife, and my mother-in-law to get the big picture.

We were sitting around, talking about God's blessings.

A friend of the Pastor's family spent years praying for a family of her own.

At 35, she got married and they immediately starting trying for children.

Five years passed.

No children.

Her husband and her decided to adopt and found a good match.

It turned out that the one baby they were praying for turned into triplets.

Soon, they found out they she was expecting (after years of trying) twins of their own.

In six short months, God blessed this couple with five babies.

My pastor's wife said, "I don't know if I couldn't handle five babies all under six months."

Pastor smiled at his wife.

"God only gives us what we can handle. And if anyone can handle that, it's her."

You know, that got me thinking.

I'm always in a rush.
I'm always trying to be one step ahead.

I'm always expecting to do everything well on the first try.

But it's not God who's expecting too much out of me.

It's me.

I want to do it all.

I want to have a clean house all the time without the large clumps of dog hair that collects around the furniture every day and drives me insane.

I want to do my paying jobs well so I can contribute more money to our household without my husband having the sole burden of doing it by himself.

I want to teach computers to Seniors because it's something that I love doing and I need to do something for myself.

I want to train the dogs to be good and listen always--not just when they want to.

I want to get my hour and a half of exercise in a day without feeling guilty that I didn't do an extra load of laundry.

I want to write another book. 

I want to finish the final edit of the book that's been sitting on my desk, collecting dust.

I want to prepare elaborate meals that my husband can't wait to get home and devour after a long day of work.

But most importantly, I want to be a good wife who can juggle everything gracefully.

But I can't.

And maybe I needed to try to juggle it all so that I could figure out the big picture.

Each day, I can probably choose three things off of the list and actually do those things well.

I'm not superwoman, though my mother might tell you otherwise.

I'm not perfect.

I fail every day.

I fail God every day.

But then He sits me in a room with three people I really care about and reminds me that if anyone can learn to juggle some of these things gracefully, it's me.

Then, my burden doesn't seem so heavy.
I am a perfectionist, but I'm grateful that God doesn't expect me to be perfect.
Neither do the people I love.
So today, I will do a few things well.
And tomorrow, I'll figure out the rest.