My Dearest Son,
Many years ago, I watched from the window as your father--tall and lanky in his youth--ran past my window. I can't explain now what I felt then, but I heard the deafening words, "There is your husband," as he raced by me.
I thought that was a silly thing to think at the time. "I don't even know that guy," I told myself. Besides, I had no plans to get married or share my life with anyone. My parents' divorce had done a number on me. It was an unimaginable pain. A pain that I carried with me for far too long. It wasn't until your birth that I released the pain completely. Because if they had not separated, you would not be here today. I would never undo my past because you--my present--are too wonderful to ever trade or give away.
Fast forward seven years and, sure enough, that boy I watched from the window became my husband. I didn't realize that God was speaking to me for the first time all those years ago. I wish I had listened a little more closely. I wish I had waited patiently for your father to come to the same realization that we were going to get married instead of brushing him off. Because he lived in Dust Bowl Oklahoma and me? Well, I had no future there.
Hindsight is always sobering. Always.
The point I'm trying to make here is that God's plan for your life will always trump your plans for your life. Every. Time.
We live in strange and uncertain times. Your father and I keep talking and praying about the ways we can equip you to best serve the Lord. Our example should be good enough, but we fail you too often. Because the weight of our responsibilities takes a front seat when it shouldn't. Because we're tired and we just want to wrap our arms around you and shut out the world. Because we're human and Satan is a good deceiver.
So while we're trying to be your best example, I pray you give us grace. I pray you offer us mercy when you think we haven't been the parents you desperately need.
My son, my hope is that we never disappoint you. You will know best that we are human and imperfect. You will have a front row seat to all of our mistakes, our shortcomings and our failures. I hope to make you proud though, in the way we rise out of those situations. I hope you learn that your father and I--while flawed--are hardheaded and strong. We fail. We fall. We flat line.
It's then that we remember this life cannot be lived on our own strength. And it was never supposed to be that way.
God's strength will guide you through the storms of life. When you're drowning, when you're stumbling, when you're falling with no end in sight, all you have to say is, "Jesus."
My son, He will rescue you. He will save you. He will take your drowning and teach you how to float along life's rough currents. He will take your stumbling and help you find your footing on solid ground. And when you're falling, He will fall beside you and gently help you find the soft earth below while you lay there to recover. You are never alone. The one who loves you more than I do is always right there.
I pray that you always know the one true God. The God who took my shattered life and worked those broken pieces into a beautiful masterpiece.
My life was a mess. I was hurt and angry at everyone and everything. The hurt was so blinding that I walked around like a zombie for years, unable to feel. When a family falls apart, that tends to happen.
My wish for you is that if you ever find yourself in the dark, lonely place of brokenness, that you keep your eyes on Jesus. You will walk through some dark days, but you won't live there forever. Take your time as you navigate that darkness. There are lessons there that you won't find anywhere else. And when you find your way through it, I pray that you will fall to your knees in praise. Because God takes our darkest moments and He makes them our most beautiful ones. He will teach you more in a storm than he ever will safely on the shore.
My hurt. My anger. My brokenness. He loved me through it all. He protected me through it all. He walked beside me. He carried me. He shielded me. He offered me mercy. He blessed me. He put me in high places. Our God is so, so good, even in the darkness.
My son, the God that saved my life will do the same for yours. He is, after all, the great Redeemer. Never forget what God has done for you. It will keep you humble and sane.
I pray that you do the right thing, even when it's hard. I pray that you remain tender-hearted and that you love people. I pray that you spend lots of time with hurting and broken people, encouraging them and being God's hands and feet. I pray that you live a faithful, humble life. I pray that you find a good woman who will draw you even closer to the Lord. I pray that you have lots of children. I pray that we prepare you to be a good husband and father. Even more than that, I pray that we help you to become a good Christian who loves to serve the Lord.
There will be many that will try to stain your reputation. They will try to destroy your character. They will try to rile you up and cause you to sin. It's in these moments that you must stop what you're doing and pray. Pray for your enemy. Pray God's hand is on you. He will always protect you. And even if He doesn't, you must remember that everything He allows is for your good.
My son, it's imperative that you remember you have 75 years here--give or take. You have eternity in Heaven. Don't forget that the point of this life is to love the Lord, serve the Lord and help share His goodness with others. My hope for you is that when you enter the Kingdom, God welcomes you with these words: "Well done, good and faithful one."
So be brave. Be bold. Live a life others don't understand. Be unique. Stand up for what's right. Love others fiercely. Sing praises to God--even when you don't feel like it. Spend time in nature. Pray without ceasing. Remember that I love you. No matter where you go or what you do, you'll always be mine. You'll always be your father's. And you will always be God's.
I love you,
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment