Motherhood is beautiful. It's also messy, rough, and magical all bundled into one life-altering journey.
I've experienced all the highs and all the lows.
The good days. The days made up of laughter, fun and endless joy.
The bad days. The constant whining. The throwing things at Mom's head. The screaming.
The blah days. The days we're doing life at a million miles a second and I can't seem to catch up. But as an older gentleman who lives in the nursing home across the street from our house once told me, "You can't experience good days without some bad days. Just enjoy the experience."
It will all be gone too soon...
So, how do you balance a child, cleaning a house, laundry, meal prep, meal time, animals, yard work, errands, bill paying, working from home, marriage AND attempting to find joy in the midst of it all?
With a lot of grace.
I don't have it all together. I'm not even close to having it together. I have meltdowns. I have moments of, "I can't deal with this for one more second." I cry. I laugh. I get angry. I find joy. That's the key: seeking joy. I don't do it well all the time, but I sure try every day to keep my perspective on this one thing: my son needs to see his mother happy. He needs to learn how to be joyful now because life is too hard without joy.
We're always doing the very best we can. I have seen my husband at his worst (and let me tell you, he's such an easy man to love because he offers me so much grace and love, even when he's had it) and he has seen me at my absolute worst. I wasn't sure I was even livable with at one point. Because I had lost my joy. I had let the world rob me of the one thing it should never be able to rob me of: peace, contentment and joy.
Motherhood is a gift I wouldn't trade for the world, but I had a rough beginning. A very rough beginning. And I was very alone in it, mostly by my choice. I've always had to do everything on my own. I've been burned too many times in the past. People like to think you owe them when they help you and so I was determined that this was something I could do all on my own.
But I'm only human and it really does take a village to raise a child.
There are a few things I've changed over the course of the last year as we've settled--roughly--into a family of three. And I hope that maybe they can help you find some joy and balance in this crazy journey, too:
1. Say no. Say it and don't make any apologies for it.
No, we can't make it. No, we can't take on any more responsibility at the moment. No, we are having family time. Just say no. And don't feel guilty. The guilt trips will come flooding in, trust me. I've weathered many guilt trips. You know what they all have in common? They're all selfish. So, it's important to remember that you owe your family the best of you. Whatever is leftover after can help everyone else. And you should help them if you can. But don't let your family suffer because someone is guilting you into doing what they want you to do.
2. Let the house be messy.
I'm a clean freak. I want everything in its place and I want people to stop by and rave about how clean my house is with a one year-old. Hey, I'm just being completely honest here. It's never going to happen. I've accepted that. Do I still hope that the house may magically stay clean for longer than 5 minutes? Every. Single. Day. I also know that's impossible and NEVER going to happen. So, I let my son destroy the house. I pick up here and there. I vacuum. I clean the kitchen (the only room that manages to never get destroyed). I do the dishes. And I let it go. When my son goes to bed, I do the majority of my cleaning. Unless I'm too tired, then I just go to bed and let it be tomorrow's problem. There's always tomorrow to clean. Or not to clean. Whatever. I won't judge.
3. Pick three important things each day.
I started doing this after my Pastor's wife mentioned that she asks her husband, "What are the three most important things you'd like me to get done each day?" I asked my husband the same thing and his answer? "Whatever is most important to you." It bothered me at first. Hello? I'm trying to make you happy and do three things that you think are important. I eventually got over it and decided to ask myself this question. So, I pick 2-3 things that are important for the day, focus on those, and do my best to get them done. If they don't get done, they don't get done. I don't want to waste any more of my life worrying about trivial things. I just want to love my family and give them the best of me.
--Jessi
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