A Letter to a Wife on Her One Year Anniversary

Photo cred: designspiration.net

Dear Wife Who's Celebrating Her One Year Anniversary,

Congratulations! You have survived 365 days married to a strange human being. Yes, I just called your husband strange. Because if he's anything like mine, he's really weird. But that's a good thing!

Your first year of marriage probably took one of two paths.

The first being "the year you lived on love."

If this is you, it was me, too. Oh! I so loved that first year of just being in love and taking care of a house. Thankfully, my sweet husband and I decided I would spend my first year in Small Town USA learning how to take care of a household. Even though my mom spent many laborious hours attempting to teach me how to cook, sew, iron, and bake when I was younger, I would laugh it off.

"Mother," I would say very calmly, "I am going to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. I'll be so rich I'll pay people to do all these things for me."

She always nodded her head in frustration and told me I was a lost cause.

Fast forward a few years.

There I was, learning how to bake cakes, cook chicken, iron a dress shirt, clean baseboards, plant a garden, rake leaves, mow a lawn, drive a really, really old car, and plan meals for the week. And LOVING every minute of it. Here's the thing about me: no matter the job, I give it 110%. Because I want to be successful, even as a housewife.

Though I failed miserably that first year (honestly, my curtains looked terrible!) I always thank God he gave me a very understanding husband. Because I never would have learned how to take care of myself--or another human being for that matter--if I had jumped into a job and never looked back. If I had not allowed myself to embrace my wife role.

Sure, I was met with endless critics. "Get a real job!" they would say. "You're lazy!" Oh, they all said it. But I was so in love and happy that it was easy to brush it off at first. Then, as the insults kept flying, I eventually turned inward and began wondering how people could be so cruel when I was so happy. Because shouldn't we all embrace one another and wish each other happiness?

So, my husband and I went to dinner to brush it all off. Or a mini-vacation. Or a long walk. To leave it behind. To get away. To recollect. And, then, to finally discuss building dreams and goals together. And that's what we've been doing ever since. Living on love and working together.

Had I not had the support of my husband that first year, I don't know if my marriage would have survived. I'm just thankful that each hard moment intertwined us closer together instead of turning us against one another. I'm glad we chose to love each other deeply that first year.

The second path is "the year of tumultuous turmoil."

If this is you, I can empathize. Because I have seen too many first years of marriage turn to turmoil and almost end. Abruptly. With everyone throwing in the towel.

And every time, it grieves my heart.

I guess you could say it's you, tumultuous turmoil-ers who inspired this letter. You have experienced the lows of marriage. You understand that marriage hurts sometimes. That we can wound one another, even in the sanctity of marriage. We are, after all, flawed individuals.

You probably have a list hidden in the back of your mind of all the times your husband has wounded your heart. You probably think about leaving him in search of something far better. You probably dream about a much different life. You probably have even voiced those concerns to the man whose last name you bear.

BUT

I'm here to give you faith in your marriage. And, I hope, lots of hope.

All marriages go through seasons.

Spring is new and fresh. It's calm and peaceful. Life ebbs and flows to the sounds of chirping birds and lawn mowers gently humming in the background. It's easy and simple. Just like love should be.
But Spring slowly transforms to Summer. And life gets busy.

You work. He works. You have a family. A house. Two cars. The American Dream. You're trying to make time for each other and for everyone else. You're on the go and you're longing to go back to lazy afternoons laying on the couch, listening to your neighbors do yard work and kids playing on their front lawns.

Much like Spring, Summer turns to Fall and the leaves begin to fall. There's a sense of urgency to soak up the warm days and enjoy the long evenings. The weather begins to turn and the days slowly grow darker. You find yourself curled up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa watching old movies with your husband beside you.

But then Autumn turns to Winter. And things get cold. They die. They ice over. And you discover the cool temperatures do a number on your body and mind. You can't seem to get through the coldest days of the year. But you cling on to the hope that is Spring.

My husband recently broke a little figurine I have of a married couple. He looked at me and said, "I sure hope this isn't a metaphor for our marriage. Because I almost shattered it."

I chuckled and took it in my hands. "It's the perfect metaphor for marriage. Sometimes we rip apart this beautiful, messy relationship. But there's more than enough glue in this world to put it back together. Imperfectly, of course."

He smiled. Because he knew exactly what I meant.

There are days when I don't respect him and he doesn't love me like Christ loved the church. But that doesn't mean we're going to walk away from our marriage on our worst days. In fact, we often look back over the worst days and thank God that he is our glue.

Because tumultuous turmoil-er, even our marriage goes through terrible periods. Just like the seasons, we're constantly changing and evolving. And one day, when we are old and gray, we will look back on our imperfect marriage, cracks and all, and thank God that no matter how badly we shattered pieces of our relationship, He was--and always will be--the glue that kept us together.

So, as you celebrate your first year of marriage--happy or not so happy--cling to the hope that is Spring. And pick up Dave Earley's 14 Secrets to a Better Marriage. Our pastor and his wife picked this book up for us and we have LOVED going through it together.

And, in the wise words of a missionary who just visited our church this week, "don't try to get your spouse right with God. Get yourself right and let God take care of the rest."

--Jessi