Why This Place Is Good For Your Marriage

Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form an expert on marriage or being a helpmeet. I am simply a good, Godly wife who wants the best for her marriage and yours. It's also important to note the following does not address abusive marriages where lives are endangered. If you find yourself in such a marriage, consult with a pastor or his wife immediately.

I come from a broken home. I watched the love two people once had for each other turn cold and bitter. It ruined my world for many years. Not to worry, I'm over it now. But it didn't come without its years of baggage and issues that needed to be worked out. 

Because my parent's divorce was so hard on me, it has always been something I desperately want to save others from. I want all women to have happy, healthy marriages with their husbands. Because who wants to bicker all the time? Who wants to fight all the time? Who wants to destroy something that has the potential to be so wonderful?

You can call me old-fashioned. You can make underhanded comments about me being stuck in a decade that no longer exists because women have made "great strides" since the 1800's. You are entitled to your own opinion. If you don't want to better your marriage, you might as well close out this window now.

BUT

It's important that you know I am simply trying to help you in the only way I know how: real, hard truth. From a woman who has continually asked God for wisdom and received it. 

No, I am not a doormat. 

No, I am not without my strong opinions, which I like to express to my husband in a mature, adult manner. 

I am the furthest thing from a quiet, meek wife who spends her days slaving away for her husband.

Yes, I do things for my husband with a happy spirit.

Yes, I like to please my husband in any way I can.

But isn't that what we do for people we love? 

We want to express our love with actions and words. If that is old-fashioned, I'm perfectly fine being called that. I'm perfectly fine being considered a wife who likes to make her husband happy. 

It would break my heart to be the alternative, a selfish, demanding wife.

This blog has been dedicated to my wifely journey since it's implementation. I started it because I wanted to have journals my future children could read and learn from. I didn't want my mistakes to be their mistakes. What better way to do it than to preserve it in a blog filled with my thoughts and words that won't rip or fade over time? If others shared in my journey, then that was just the icing on the cake! 

Kelly and I on our wedding day, June 18, 2011

Here's what this blog has taught me over the years: we all struggle and fail from time-to-time in our relationships. And sometimes, we just need a little encouragement from someone who knows what we're going through.

I, too, fail my husband daily, even though my intentions are always pure and good. But my husband is a great forgiver. For that, I am eternally grateful. Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes; learn from them. Grow. Love deeper today than you did yesterday.

To clear things up: I do not write a blog from a man's perspective. You probably won't see any post titles that say, "Husbands, Love Your Wives Better!" or "How To Make Sure Your Wife Always Feels Love and Adored." 

I'm not a husband. I have no authority to write on being one. Honestly, I don't think men would want to read a blog post directed at them by a twenty-something year old woman whose only been married for 3 1/2 years. I have no authority on husbandly duties, though I do have my strong opinions. My husband, on the other hand, could probably write a few posts about leadership and love. He has the authority on it. I, however, do not.

If you are a wife who would like to encourage your husband with articles on Godly truth, I recommended checking out Matthew L. Jacobson's website. He has the authority to give your husband Godly advice that I, simply, cannot. He has also written a book titled, "100 Ways to Love Your Wife." If your husband has a Kindle, this book would make a great addition to his library for only $3.99! I often share Mr. Jacobson's blog posts with my husband to encourage his leadership in our home. I have yet to purchase his book because my husband--WHO IS NOT A READER--is currently going through "Created To Need A Helpmeet" by Michael and Debi Pearl at a slow pace. I'm afraid I'd overwhelm him if I asked him to read another book so soon! But, it's on my list of books to one day read through with him in the future.

So, now that I have provided you with a few options to share with your husband and his role in your marriage, let's get down to business.

Where is the best place for you to visit with your husband each week? 

Church. 

Since my husband and I got married 3 1/2 years ago, not a week has passed that we have not entered our church building and spent time with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We didn't start our marriage overly-involved in our church. We spent the first year of our marriage cultivating our relationship and the relationships with the people who gather at the same place we do several times a week.

In the dark moments of our marriage, I know I have many sisters who would happily sit with me and offer words of encouragement and scripture to aid me in my wife journey. I know that they care about my marriage. I know that they care about my marriage's success. And instead of telling me, "If you're unhappy, leave your marriage," with lots of love and grace, they would tell me, "If you're unhappy, change your marriage." 

That change begins with me.

And my attitude toward my marriage.

And the prayers I pray for my marriage.

Years later, my husband is leading the Media Ministry in our church and I spend my Sunday mornings loving on a group of preschoolers I can't imagine my life without. We are heavily-involved in our church because it's important for us to surround ourselves with people who care about our marriage. It's also important for us to do good. It's important for us to be accountable for our actions inside and outside of our marriage. 

But mostly, it's important that our marriage strengthens us not only together, but as individuals. 

And what better place to do it than in a church filled with people who are just likes us: broken, but so in love with Jesus.

I have had the experience of witnessing my brothers and sisters in Christ marrying people who don't love Jesus. I think they are under the illusion that they can "change" the person with "time". That is a noble idea, and I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But chances are the person won't change. Chances are the person will pull them away from the one place they should turn in times of trouble. And they will do life on their own--away from God. 

What you will discover is that a marriage without God has a harder time of surviving than a marriage with God. The marriage will eventually pull completely away from God and the church. And if there aren't a group of people who love this marriage and point both husband and wife to Jesus, in its darkest moments, what will hold it together?

My husband and I have been through some rough patches. Neither of us are saints, and we disappoint each other. But every day, I wake up and thank God that my husband loves Jesus and encourages me to love people better. 

I know that our marriage has been blessed because of our willingness to put God at the center of our relationship. And when I see the trials of other young couples who don't make God a priority, I am so thankful that my husband's favorite place to be on Sunday morning is in our church, and has been since the day he made me his wife. 

Where do you and your husband find yourselves on Sunday morning? Do you find yourselves in a pew or ignoring the alarm clock that goes off, missing church and the many blessings God has in store for you every Sunday morning?

Make church a priority and see what God does with two people who want to know and love Him better.

Kelly and I December 2014

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

To find all books and resources listed in this blog, visit MY STORE now to purchase and browse more products. 

RIP Oliver James 2006-2014

I remember the first time I saw the little gray ball of fur in February of 2006. He was sitting on the bedroom floor of a young girl's room with his four other siblings. He waddled over to me and sat in my lap.

I was in love.

Since I was about three years old, I had asked my father for three things: a cat, a pony, and a trampoline.

So, I was overjoyed when my father let me bring the little fur-ball home during my teenage years.

For the first couple years of Oliver's life, he spent it shuffled between two homes: my father's and my mother's. He was a good car cat. He would sit on my lap and close his eyes while I'd drive the three minutes between houses. I couldn't bear a night away from him.

But, finally, the demands of high school and sharing my life between homes became too much to handle. I made the decision to leave Oliver at my mom's house so she would have a constant companion in our absence and he would not have to travel so much.

During my college years, I lived with Oliver and my mom. He would spend his nights sleeping (and drooling) in my arms. He also spent his days roaming the backyard. 

While he was never much of an outdoor cat, he did like to wander around and eat grass. Sometimes, I'd find him watching birds. He would haunch down low and remain completely still. He never did catch anything. Just liked to try. 

When Kelly and I decided to move to Oklahoma after getting married, Oliver accompanied us the 1,500 miles. He spent the entire car ride shuffling between my mother's lap and mine. He was perfectly content to remain in someone's arms while we traveled. I guess all those years of shuffling between houses prepared him for life on the road.

Oliver adjusted well to life in Oklahoma. He loved summertime. The grass he loved to eat would grow tall and green. He'd chase butterflies and fireflies. In the wintertime, he preferred to remain indoors. He really hated the snow because it covered up his grass. He made friends with the neighborhood cat and they liked to play together often.

Eventually, we expanded our family and welcomed Niko into the mix. However, we quickly discovered that Niko does not like cats. At. All. So, Oliver spent the majority of his days napping on the bed and his nights roaming the house. 

Kelly and I bought a house and I asked my mom if I could leave Oliver with her. I knew that he would be much happier not having to constantly be separated from the huskies. He could have free roam of the house and backyard at all times. I was sad to leave behind my sweet Oliver, but I stopped by and visited him a few times each week. He'd spend the whole time wrapped up in my arms, purring (and drooling). 

Oliver was a wonderful addition to a great decade in my life. He witnessed many sleepless nights, many happy times, and many seasons of my life. While he is no longer a living presence in my life, I'm grateful for hours of memories and pictures that will fill my heart for many years to come.

Oliver, my first fur-baby, you were a constant source of joy in my life and you will be dearly missed my sweet feline friend.

I Bend

Sometimes, all I feel I do is bend.

I bend here.

And there.

I bend for this person.

And then another person.

I bend for this job.

Then that job.

I bend. I fold. I find myself ducking and moving.

Sometimes, I want to stand firm. And tall.

I want someone to bend for me. To reach down low for me. To duck and move for me.

But I don't think it would make me happy to ask that of another person.

To ask them to get down low and move under the weight of my demands.

There's no happiness associated with that in my world.

All there is...is guilt.

The weight of selfishness.

The weight of constantly winning while every one else loses.

The weight of not caring about anything other than myself.

So, I bend.

I bend because I don't want to win.

I bend because I want other people to be happy.

I bend because I don't want to carry the weight of selfishness.

I bend.

What Biblical Leah Can Teach Us About Rejected Love

The story is quite tragic.

A man who, with the help of his mother, tricks his father into blessing him instead of his older brother, flees his home and then falls in love with a beautiful woman. He makes a deal with her father--who happens to be his uncle--to work seven years for her hand in marriage. 

If you don't know what story I'm talking about yet, I'm talking about the Bible's scandalous love triangle between Jacob and sisters, Rachel and Leah.

Seven years come and go, though they seem like only "a few days" to Jacob because "of his love for [Rachel]." (Gen 29:20)

This man is laboring. For SEVEN years. For the hand of a beautiful woman. He's determined. He's hardworking. And he's clearly in love.

BUT, in an unexpected turn of events, Jacob finds himself deceived by his uncle and married to his older cousin, Leah.

Furious, Jacob confronts his uncle and strikes another deal to work seven more years for Rachel. 

At this point in the story, I'm sure most people feel for Rachel and Jacob. For two people who obviously love each other. Who have waited SEVEN YEARS to marry only to be denied that by Uncle Laban and Leah. 

But my heart aches for Leah. For her "weak eyes". For the pain that will surely follow this deception. Call me twisted or strange, but I can't shake the feeling of heartache for Leah.

Was she a pawn in her father's scheme? Or did she help hatch this plan? Did she truly love Jacob and want him for her own? Or did her father fill her head with promises and fantasies?

Either way, Leah no doubt took on the blame, the hurt, and the rejection from this situation. She carried the burden of her father's deceit and the role she played in keeping her husband from her sister. 

As the story progresses, we discover more about Leah in the midst of her heartbreaking situation.

My favorite part in the story enters in at Genesis 29:31. "When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive."

The part I always stop and linger on is the part where it says "the LORD saw." 

The LORD saw Leah.

The LORD was watching Leah.

The LORD loved Leah.

So, Leah conceives her first son and names him Reuben because the LORD saw her misery and she believed that a son would ensure Jacob's love for her.

But she does not receive Jacob's love. 

So, Leah conceives her second son and names him Simeon because God knew that she was not loved and blessed her with another child.

Even so, Jacob does not love his first wife.

So, Leah conceives her third son and names him Levi, hoping this son will somehow attach Jacob to her.

But this third child does not sway his feelings for her.

When Leah conceives her fourth son, she names him Judah and praises the LORD, because though her husband cannot see her, God does.

This is the part that I always ache at. Leah living in the shadow of Jacob's love for Rachel. And regardless of how their marriage began, Leah never does work her way into his heart. Even as the years press on and more children enter the picture, Jacob clearly loves Rachel. Rachel eventually dies during childbirth. And it's here that I can't help but wonder if Jacob finally noticed Leah after the passing of his one true love. Perhaps he did. Perhaps he did not. The story of Leah ends there. 

The tragedy of this story not only lies in the great love Jacob never had for Leah, it lies in the sibling rivalry that pitted two sisters against each other. One could conceive and one was loved. Leah wanted Jacob's love and Rachel wanted children. Each wanted what the other had. This sibling rivalry--or hatred--pours over into their children's lives. Joseph, Rachel's son, is later sold into slavery by his brothers. Thus continuing the cycle. 

But throughout the story, God constantly remains an ever-present overseer. He saw Leah. He loved Leah. He blessed Leah. God remembered Rachel. God opened Rachel's womb. God blessed Rachel. And his goodness is a great reminder that he sees us. Even in the midst of our hurt. Even in the midst of our rejections. Even in the midst of our heartbreaks.

God sees us. God loves us. 

None of us walk through life without the experience of rejected love. Maybe from a parent, a friend, or a spouse. We want to be desperately loved by someone and they never do love us in the way we want them to. But that does not mean we walk through life without love. Every single one of us is deserving of love. 

God sees us. God loves us. 

And that's what Leah's story can teach us. Though she never won the favor of her husband's love, she was always loved by her Creator who saw her when no one else did. 

And you, too, are loved and seen by the Creator of all things..

To find Bible resources, visit MY STORE for more information on how much God truly loves YOU!

Update on the Hansen Huskies

It's their favorite time of the year: winter!

Niko, Zailey and Abner (who's actually a Malamute, but we tell him he's an honorary Husky) have been spending most of their days outside. It's in stark contrast to their summer schedule. In the hot months, they spend their time laying on top of the AC vents on the hardwood floor sleeping.

But now that temperatures are in the 50's, I can't keep them inside!

We had them on store bought food for most of the summer, but decided that in order to save money, we would start making their home-cooked diet again.

We were feeding them Rachael Ray's Nutrish dry dog food and our dogs LOVED it. However, we also decided that because the dogs would be outside more and running around, they needed more protein. So, they're back on their delicious home-cooked diet!

Niko - The Troublemaker

Niko has been misbehaving since the weather changed. He has figured out how to climb my kitchen cabinets to get into the sink. He really likes chewing on my wooden spoons and plastic bowls. I've been doing the dishes immediately after they are used to keep Niko from getting on the counter. We decided that he will go through the dog training class we love again. He's in need a refresher.

Zailey - The Princess

She's cute. She's fluffy. And she's a little poser. Zailey is the perfect dog--except if she doesn't get in her daily car ride. Then, she's a MONSTER. She also likes to pounce on me in the mornings to wake me up at 7 am sharp. If I do not open my eyes, she will howl until I get up. She likes afternoon naps in the sun and peanut butter. She would never admit it, but she really loves cuddling and kisses. 

Abner - The Strong Silent Type

He's quiet, strong and the sweetest guy to cuddle with before bedtime. Abner spends his days looking after the huskies, playing with the little black puppy through the fence next door, and begging me for bananas. This dog ADORES bananas. I try to keep a few bags on hand at all times because he likes to split one with me every morning. I have never seen a dog react so strongly to food before. I can't even peel a banana without him howling. Abner has been a wonderful addition to our family and I can't remember what life was like before him. He's terrified of thunderstorms and likes to sleep in my arms while lightning and thunder strike above. He is also a great protector. No one can step foot in the yard without him barking. And I've already trained him to stay on the back porch when the gate is open. We also discovered that he really loves to watch cows. When we make our dump runs, he goes with us. Because we have the Explorer, he has a bit of trouble getting into the car so we try to limit his rides so he doesn't hurt his hips. Malamutes are known to have hip dysplasia due to their heavy bodies. But when we do take him, I make sure to stop on the side of the road so he can watch the cows grazing. 

Boo - The Goofy Cousin

We adopted Boo as well, but she decided she really loves my mom. Like, desperately loves my mother. Boo still walks with the huskies every day, but she prefers the quiet solitude of my mom's house. She also has found a bff in Oliver, the gray cat. Boo spends most of her days napping, relaxing and walking with my mom. She likes to bark at the neighbor dogs. When I go over, Boo spends the entire time laying on my mom's lap. My mom watches Dogs with Jobs on Netflix and Boo likes to sit in the recliner with her and watch along. She looks precious in her sweaters. When it gets a little chilly outside, my mom always makes sure Boo is warm and stylish!

Here are a few more pictures of the Hansen Huskies to enjoy!

To purchase Rachel Ray's Nutrish for your dog to try, you can visit MY STORE now!

Easy Crockpot Enchilada Soup

Edit: To make a VEGETARIAN version of this soup, hold the chicken and add brown rice! Check out the directions below for more info!

Chicken enchiladas are probably my favorite food to eat. I could eat them every day if my husband let me!

But in this house, we like variety. I have a few meals I rotate through. Tacos, chicken, casseroles, soups, etc. So, when my mom told me I had to try out this low-fat recipe, I figured it would be a nice change in our usual routine.

And I was right!

What you'll need:

1 lb. chicken breasts or turkey (note: if you are making the vegetarian version, add in 1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice. I usually wait until everything is cooked through before adding in rice.)

1 32 oz low sodium chicken broth (note: if you are making the vegetarian version, you can substitute chicken broth with vegetarian Bouillon.) 

1 large can green enchilada sauce

2 small cans green chiles (I used one because I'm not big on spicy!)

1 can diced tomatoes (I used a big can because I love tomatoes!)

1 cup frozen corn (optional - I greatly dislike corn so I left this one out)

1/2 diced white onion

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp onion powder

1 tbsp chili powder

2 tbsp cumin

3/4 cup water

1 block regular or low-fat cream cheese - use an hour before you serve (note: if you're not huge on dairy, you can try out vegan cream cheese instead!)

Directions: 

1. If you want to cook your chicken ahead of time, chop it into small pieces and fry in frying pan. I chose to just let the chicken cook in the sauce because I was short on time. I chopped mine up and threw it into the crockpot. (If you are a vegetarian, shield your EYES)

2. Pour chicken broth (or vegetarian Bouillon mixture), water, and enchilada sauce into CrockPot.

3. Put in green chiles, tomatoes, corn (like I said, it's optional) and onion. 

4. Add in garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, and cumin.

5. Cook on high for 6 hours. 

6. 5 hours in, soften cream cheese and then add to soup. I used a whisk to mix it in. 

(Note: cream cheese may leave a few clumps. I just used my whisk to remove most of them.)

7. Let cook on high for another hour. 

8. Garnish with cheese, sour cream, or whatever you like and then serve.

Makes about 8 servings.

To purchase the CrockPot I used for this recipe, click here.

3,800 Miles Part 2

If you haven't read Part 1, you can read it here.

OK, I had traveled 3,400 miles and visited 4 states on our way from California to Oklahoma. We got home late Tuesday night and planned on heading out to Branson on Sunday. That meant I had four days to get caught up on work, clean my house, grocery shop and get my Sunday School lessons finished for the month. I also had some more Christmas decorations to put up.

All-in-all, I was very busy Wednesday-Saturday.

We decided to go to church on Sunday morning before heading up to Branson. I couldn't miss my preschoolers for the second week in a row! I adore them and love sitting on the carpet, reading them Bible studies. My sweet husband postponed our trip just so I could spend some time with my preschoolers.

I mean, WHO could resist this precious face?!

So, I packed us a lunch and we headed out for a 2 hour and 45 minute drive to Branson, Missouri. We were headed for Silver Dollar City!

My mom went on vacation with my in-laws. That might sound strange to you, but it's pretty normal around here. We all just love each other :) I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my mommy!

We arrived after a very long week for me. I was beyond exhausted, but my husband loves going to amusement parks so he was in his zone! 

Wildfire at Silver Dollar City

I am not a roller coaster person. I like easy rides. The kind that don't flip or go upside down. My husband is a thrill seeker; I prefer to have my feet on the ground. So, I rode a few easy rides and then spent the majority of the time watching my husband ride the crazy rides. Oh, and checking out the crazy light display! 

Seriously, if you ever find yourself in Branson in December GO SEE THE LIGHTS. You will not regret it. 

This is just a little taste of SDC's lights.

My sister-in-law and I. Isn't she gorgeous?!

Me and my mommy! And my brother-in-law!

I didn't take a whole lot of pictures because we were busy spending time together. It was nice to get away from all of life's distractions and relax. Well, I attempted to relax. I was too worried about my husband on those roller coasters to relax too much. But we had a great time eating pretzels, nachos, funnel cakes and fried foods. We walked around the crowds of people and went in a few shops.

The drive home was a long 3 1/2 hours. When we got home, I crawled into bed and decided 3,800 miles in a week is just too many miles to be away from home. 

Our next road trip is planned for July. Until then, I think I'll stay as close to home as I can!