I come from a broken home. I watched the love two people once had for each other turn cold and bitter. It ruined my world for many years. Not to worry, I'm over it now. But it didn't come without its years of baggage and issues that needed to be worked out.
Because my parent's divorce was so hard on me, it has always been something I desperately want to save others from. I want all women to have happy, healthy marriages with their husbands. Because who wants to bicker all the time? Who wants to fight all the time? Who wants to destroy something that has the potential to be so wonderful?
You can call me old-fashioned. You can make underhanded comments about me being stuck in a decade that no longer exists because women have made "great strides" since the 1800's. You are entitled to your own opinion. If you don't want to better your marriage, you might as well close out this window now.
BUT
It's important that you know I am simply trying to help you in the only way I know how: real, hard truth. From a woman who has continually asked God for wisdom and received it.
No, I am not a doormat.
No, I am not without my strong opinions, which I like to express to my husband in a mature, adult manner.
I am the furthest thing from a quiet, meek wife who spends her days slaving away for her husband.
Yes, I do things for my husband with a happy spirit.
Yes, I like to please my husband in any way I can.
But isn't that what we do for people we love?
We want to express our love with actions and words. If that is old-fashioned, I'm perfectly fine being called that. I'm perfectly fine being considered a wife who likes to make her husband happy.
It would break my heart to be the alternative, a selfish, demanding wife.
This blog has been dedicated to my wifely journey since it's implementation. I started it because I wanted to have journals my future children could read and learn from. I didn't want my mistakes to be their mistakes. What better way to do it than to preserve it in a blog filled with my thoughts and words that won't rip or fade over time? If others shared in my journey, then that was just the icing on the cake!
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| Kelly and I on our wedding day, June 18, 2011 |
Here's what this blog has taught me over the years: we all struggle and fail from time-to-time in our relationships. And sometimes, we just need a little encouragement from someone who knows what we're going through.
I, too, fail my husband daily, even though my intentions are always pure and good. But my husband is a great forgiver. For that, I am eternally grateful. Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes; learn from them. Grow. Love deeper today than you did yesterday.
I, too, fail my husband daily, even though my intentions are always pure and good. But my husband is a great forgiver. For that, I am eternally grateful. Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes; learn from them. Grow. Love deeper today than you did yesterday.
To clear things up: I do not write a blog from a man's perspective. You probably won't see any post titles that say, "Husbands, Love Your Wives Better!" or "How To Make Sure Your Wife Always Feels Love and Adored."
I'm not a husband. I have no authority to write on being one. Honestly, I don't think men would want to read a blog post directed at them by a twenty-something year old woman whose only been married for 3 1/2 years. I have no authority on husbandly duties, though I do have my strong opinions. My husband, on the other hand, could probably write a few posts about leadership and love. He has the authority on it. I, however, do not.
If you are a wife who would like to encourage your husband with articles on Godly truth, I recommended checking out Matthew L. Jacobson's website. He has the authority to give your husband Godly advice that I, simply, cannot. He has also written a book titled, "100 Ways to Love Your Wife." If your husband has a Kindle, this book would make a great addition to his library for only $3.99! I often share Mr. Jacobson's blog posts with my husband to encourage his leadership in our home. I have yet to purchase his book because my husband--WHO IS NOT A READER--is currently going through "Created To Need A Helpmeet" by Michael and Debi Pearl at a slow pace. I'm afraid I'd overwhelm him if I asked him to read another book so soon! But, it's on my list of books to one day read through with him in the future.
So, now that I have provided you with a few options to share with your husband and his role in your marriage, let's get down to business.
Where is the best place for you to visit with your husband each week?
Church.
Since my husband and I got married 3 1/2 years ago, not a week has passed that we have not entered our church building and spent time with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We didn't start our marriage overly-involved in our church. We spent the first year of our marriage cultivating our relationship and the relationships with the people who gather at the same place we do several times a week.
In the dark moments of our marriage, I know I have many sisters who would happily sit with me and offer words of encouragement and scripture to aid me in my wife journey. I know that they care about my marriage. I know that they care about my marriage's success. And instead of telling me, "If you're unhappy, leave your marriage," with lots of love and grace, they would tell me, "If you're unhappy, change your marriage."
That change begins with me.
And my attitude toward my marriage.
And the prayers I pray for my marriage.
Years later, my husband is leading the Media Ministry in our church and I spend my Sunday mornings loving on a group of preschoolers I can't imagine my life without. We are heavily-involved in our church because it's important for us to surround ourselves with people who care about our marriage. It's also important for us to do good. It's important for us to be accountable for our actions inside and outside of our marriage.
But mostly, it's important that our marriage strengthens us not only together, but as individuals.
And what better place to do it than in a church filled with people who are just likes us: broken, but so in love with Jesus.
I have had the experience of witnessing my brothers and sisters in Christ marrying people who don't love Jesus. I think they are under the illusion that they can "change" the person with "time". That is a noble idea, and I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But chances are the person won't change. Chances are the person will pull them away from the one place they should turn in times of trouble. And they will do life on their own--away from God.
What you will discover is that a marriage without God has a harder time of surviving than a marriage with God. The marriage will eventually pull completely away from God and the church. And if there aren't a group of people who love this marriage and point both husband and wife to Jesus, in its darkest moments, what will hold it together?
My husband and I have been through some rough patches. Neither of us are saints, and we disappoint each other. But every day, I wake up and thank God that my husband loves Jesus and encourages me to love people better.
I know that our marriage has been blessed because of our willingness to put God at the center of our relationship. And when I see the trials of other young couples who don't make God a priority, I am so thankful that my husband's favorite place to be on Sunday morning is in our church, and has been since the day he made me his wife.
Where do you and your husband find yourselves on Sunday morning? Do you find yourselves in a pew or ignoring the alarm clock that goes off, missing church and the many blessings God has in store for you every Sunday morning?
Make church a priority and see what God does with two people who want to know and love Him better.
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| Kelly and I December 2014 |
Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica
To find all books and resources listed in this blog, visit MY STORE now to purchase and browse more products.
To find all books and resources listed in this blog, visit MY STORE now to purchase and browse more products.
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