The Good Wife Chronicles: Your Husband's Success Depends On You

I remember the day I got married quite well. It was full of romance and promise. It is one of my fondest memories.

Sometimes, I like to sit with my coffee in the morning and day dream about walking toward my husband in that black tux. He looked so handsome. And his hand was so warm when he grabbed mine.

My favorite part was saying the vows. They were easy to say--almost too easy. 

"I do." 

And then life began.

The truth is that every marriage is different. Every marriage goes through different trials. And promising to love one another through the good and the bad is the easy part. It's sticking to the promise that makes or breaks marriages. 

What no one told me on the day I promised to walk beside my husband for as long as we both shall live, was that the moment he slipped that white gold band on my finger was the day he put all of his future successes into my hands. 

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

His successes and his failures now rested in my very incapable hands. 

To put it mildly: I was clueless. I had no idea that my words, my actions, and my reactions to his every move would determine how high he would climb or fall in life. 

Thankfully, I asked God for wisdom and He delivered it. I made mistakes--I still make mistakes--but I'm a work-in-progress. 

I fail my husband from time-to-time, but I learn. I believe this is the part where so many wives fail. They fail because they don't understand that real love requires copious amounts of forgiveness and love. 

Love is not selfish. It cannot be selfish. Because love means that we care more about the other person than we do ourselves. It means that we respect one another. It means we build up instead of put down. It means that there is no hate, anger or bitterness, but rather love, respect, kindness, goodness and faithfulness. 

I've observed all types of marriages and I can say with certainty that the best of marriages have good friendships. They're built on a foundation of respect and communication. 

Because I know this, you will never be able to convince me that lust and passion sustain a marriage. Fighting. Rush of emotions. Hatred. The endless cycle of drama and hurt. Those things cannot be present in a lifelong relationship if we want it to last. 

They result in one thing: a tumultuous marriage that will, inevitably, implode. It will implode because men cannot peacefully live in a home where they are not respected and women cannot joyfully live in a home where they are not cherished.

I learned this fairly early on in my marriage. I learned that in order for my husband to have a happy home life--which will lead to successes in every other area of his life--I had to become a dear friend, a close confidante, a trusted business partner and a happy wife who spends her hours in overlooked labor so her husband can lead, succeed and dream big. 

So, how exactly have I mastered the art of helping my husband with his big--and small--successes?

Here are 3 simple rules to help you ensure your husband is successful:

1. Don't Put His Dreams Down

My husband is a big dreamer. He has shared many dreams with me over the years. Some we have chased together; others I have stood by and been supportive. Not all of my husband's dreams have come true, but I believe that my husband can do anything he sets his mind to. He has me, after all, to help him. Do you believe in your husband? If not, now is a good time to start investing in his dreams, even if they fizzle out. You just never know what he can accomplish when he has his most trusted adviser cheering him on.

2. Be Good To Him

If you treat your friends, coworkers and neighbors better than you treat your husband, chances are you have a very unhappy marriage. Your best should be given to the person who spends each night falling asleep beside you. The person who has been given the esteemed privilege of holding your hand as you walk through life, building a home and family together. Give your best to your husband; there will always be plenty left over to spill into others' lives. If you make it a priority to be good to your husband, you will welcome home a happy man every evening regardless of how cruel the world is to him. Remember: a man's home is his castle. So, be his queen. Stand strong beside him as he makes decisions. Cheer him on in his successes and help him make sense of his failures. 

3. Rid Your Marriage of Negativity

I'm sure you've been around a negative wife or two. Their favorite word is a resounding "NO!". I shake my head every time I hear a wife argue with her husband over something silly. I shake my head every time I watch a bitter wife chastise her husband's good intentions. I shake my head every time I see a controlling wife breaking her husband down. Wives, a broken man will never amount to anything. Your dreams to see him succeed will never come to pass. Instead of saying "NO!", try this simple phrase: "Honey, that sounds like an excellent idea." If he wants to use a chainsaw in your living room to trim the Christmas tree like my husband did a few weeks ago, LET. HIM. DO. IT. Don't nag him about possibly putting the chainsaw through the wall. Don't nag him about getting the blade a little too close to your beautiful hard wood floors. Those things are replaceable. Your husband's self-esteem is far too important to sweat the small stuff. Even if money is too tight to buy new floors or walls--even if you're in a foul mood--let him do it. I promise you that your husband's happiness is SO MUCH MORE important than having a flawless home. When people enter your home, they'll feel much more comfortable in a messy house filled with love than in a spotless house filled with turmoil.

Take it from me, ladies, your husband's success rests entirely on your shoulders. 

A good wife brings her husband "good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

Your Wife Friend in Christ,

Jessica

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Think on These Things

"Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet." - Maya Angelou

This world is full of hatred. I can't even read the news anymore without uttering the words, "This world has gone crazy." 

I often pray for peace. For my community, my country, and the world. I lift up silent prayers and hope they do some good. But too often, I doubt that my simple prayers for good in a world of evil will change anything. Then God gently reminds me David was much smaller and weaker than Goliath. And just like one of my Sunday School preschoolers, I'm mesmerized by how great my God is.

There are a lot of stories circulating news sources and social media right now. Stories of hate and violence. It's depressing. It's heartbreaking. It's sad. It's disappointing.

I refuse to turn on my TV screen. I can't justify filling my home with unease and unrest. But my eyes do find their way to the news every so often. Because I need to know how much crazier this world has become as the hours press on. 

Every time I read something terrible or see something disturbing, this Bible verse comes to mind: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever if admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8

And, so, I start to comb through all the good stories I have. Stories of faith and hope. Stories of God's miraculous healing and restoration.

Then, I settle on the same scene that plays on repeat in my mind. 

A broken man walks into my classroom one summer day. He painfully sits down. The hard years are etched into the lines on his face. But he smiles and I see missing teeth. He smiles through the years of disappointments and hardships. It's genuine. He laughs. He lives. He keeps moving forward at his slow pace.

Another man walks into my classroom. He's well off. I can tell by the way he carries himself. The way his shirt is ironed without a single crease. There are no lines etched into his face. He's has a good and decent life. Yes, he's suffered setbacks and hardship and trials, but he's persevered and come out ahead. Far ahead.

He takes a seat next to the broken man. 

I wonder what will transpire. Will he ignore him? Will he look down on him? Will he reach out and touch him?

I watch from a distance. 

Suddenly, the well-to-do man offers a hand to the broken man and the broken man--still smiling ear-to-ear--takes it. They exchange pleasantries and the well-to-do man tells the broken man a funny story. 

They're bonded.

The weeks move on. Summer turns to fall and the broken man suffers a setback. So, the well-to-do man arrives early to class and grabs a wheelchair. He watches from the window for the broken man, like a young boy waits for his best friend. 

When he arrives, the well-to-do man races out the door, his arm waving an excited greeting. He wheels the man inside. They talk. They laugh. They share stories.

The well-to-do man wheels the broken man to the bathroom. He wheels him to the office. He wheels him to his car and waves him off as he drives home. 

For weeks, my heart is lifted and changed. I watch from my classroom and begin to understand that love moves in strange and mysterious ways. 

There are no limits to love.

And I found myself changed by the experience. 

This well-to-do man showed me that our net incomes mean absolutely nothing. Not a thing. Money can buy a lot of things, but it cannot buy a compassionate and kind heart. It cannot teach a man to offer every good thing he has to a man who has nothing.

This man reminded me that the weak can only be lifted by the strong. And there are strong people willing to lift the weak. 

This man helped me remember that there is so much good in this world. Good, and not evil. Sometimes, we just need to slow down and look around.

These are the stories that should be circulating our news sources and social media. Stories of humankind's goodness. Our successes. Our triumphs. Our willingness to abandon our social roles and reach down low to pull up the broken. 

Because these two men taught me that I must think on these things. I must spend my days and hours lost in thoughts of our good--never our evil. 

Change starts here. When we choose to seek good. When we choose to solve the problems of the world when we take the hatred and suffocate it with love.

Will you think on these things?

The Good Stuff

Photo cred: Pinterest.com

I work with a wide range of people in my job. I'm a teacher and my specialty is second chances.

I teach all kinds of people. Millionaires. Judges. Drug addicts. The disabled. All walks of life. All types of struggles. I've heard miraculous stories of God's endless, abounding love. And stories of heartache, hardship and regret.

And from my work, I have learned one valuable truth: love should always trump judgment.

Every time.

We all come into this world the same way.

And, at some point, we will all leave it. 

What truly matters are the hours spent in the company of people we are meant to cross paths with. God has people for you. All you have to do is be open to His plan.

Recently, I had the honor of teaching yet another wonderful group of people. The kind of people I can't even begin to describe because there aren't enough words in the dictionary to accurately tell you how much I love them.

I love their flaws.

I love their laughs.

I love their aches.

I love watching them persevere through their struggles.  

I love everything about their hearts.

I know that my job allows me to reach people I could never reach on my own. Because I would never walk into a place that these people frequent.

I live a life that is safe and comfortable. I never want for shelter or food or warmth. I have more friends and love in my life than any human being could ever imagine. I do not know the terrors of a jail cell. I do not know the heartache of a life that must be rebuilt out of ashes.

So, God gave me a job that allows me to sit down with a man whose wife left him and offer him the hope that is Jesus. To sit beside him and tell him that better days are ahead. That the most tragic event of his life will turn out to bring him good someday down the road. That the good he receives will allow him to show compassion and hope to others.

I know that my job allows me to encourage and support the people who most of society would toss aside. These people who are so beautiful and perfect in my eyes. Their wounds and scars tell the stories of many who have failed miserably then started over. It is a privilege to aid them, to love them and to teach them. 

I'm always astounded at God's plan. He provides the venue each week, the people who fill the seats and the words they need to hear. All I do is show up and love.

Friends, this is the good stuff. It's the part of life I hope you're not missing out on. It's the part of life that reveals just how much value you are to the Maker of the stars. I am nothing, but God gives me everything when He leads people to me.

Be willing. Be open. Be ready to enjoy the good stuff.

Why I'm Thankful For My Failures

Thankfulness: 1. feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative

This year, I'm most thankful for all of my failures. And let me tell you, there have been quite a few. 

My failures have taught me a great deal about myself. They have taught me that I don't have to be right all the time. I choose peace. 

They have taught me that my words have more power than I will ever know. They can destroy or build up depending on the words I choose.

They have taught me that I don't give up easily. If I fail, I feel it for a short time then gracefully move on.

They have taught me that my I can love others better. The best offering of compassion is when you have gone through a similar trial and can offer wisdom.

Most of all, they have taught me that I don't have to live in the past with my failures. The most important time of my life is right now. 

That's all that matters.

What are you thankful for this year?

Easy Chicken and Rice Soup

Life is pretty hectic in my corner of the universe. Between teaching, volunteering, running a part-time business, keeping up with housework, my hubby and our 3 rambunctious snow dogs, I need some easy in my life!

It's probably why I always turn to this recipe when fall arrives.

Before we get to the recipe though, there are two important things you need to know about me:

1. I don't like salt. 

Period. 

I don't like cooking with it. 

I don't like looking at it in a salt shaker. 

I simply don't like salt. 

At all.

So, it's very rare I use salt.

Just ask my husband. 

He literally adds salt to every dish I cook.

It's disgusting. 

However, I'm a HUGE fan of using sea salt in small, minuscule amounts. 

If you like salt, please feel free to add as much as you'd like to this soup. 

2.  I rarely cook with butter.

I am the Olive Oil Queen. 

The only time I use butter is when I'm cooking vegetables, baking, or spreading it on a waffle.

Please, feign shock when you see the picture of the butter below.

Because I like easy, I started making this soup when my husband asked me to make some chicken noodle soup one crisp afternoon. Since I really don't like adding noodles to my soups because--in my experience--they soak up all the broth and turn gross, my mother-in-law suggested rice. 

And so, a great family classic was born...

That classic? 

Chicken and Rice Soup

I'm big on crock pot meals so you can probably guess that yes, this dish was assembled in a crock pot. But there was much work to do before the assembling could begin.

What you'll need:

2 - 32 oz cartons of chicken broth

1 cup carrots

1 cup celery

1 white onion

3 large chicken breasts

2 cups cooked rice

1/2 stick butter

1/2 cup olive oil

The first thing you'll want to do is boil your chicken. I dropped 3 large chicken breasts into a pot of boiling water and boiled them about 25-30 minutes. 

If you don't have cooked rice already made up like I did, make it now! Simplest way? Put 4 cups water into a pot on medium-high heat until boiling. Add in 2 cups rice, and let the rice simmer for 5 minutes. Pull off heat and let cool for 10 minutes. 

(Note: this will make more than 2 cups cooked rice. If you want to make less, cut water and rice amounts in half.)

Next, you'll want to pull out your crock pot and empty those cartons of chicken broth into the pot

. Because I'm disgusted with salt, I used one low sodium chicken broth. 

I'd use two, but my hubby wouldn't be happy! 

So, we compromise ;)

While you're waiting for your chicken to finish boiling, chop up those veggies! You can also throw in a load of laundry in between chops. That's what I like to do ;)

I used 1 white onion, 3 celery stalks (or 1 cup celery) and 1 cup of carrots straight from our garden this year. They did not disappoint! If you have not had the pleasure of growing carrots, please do so next year. 

You. Won't. Regret. It.

Next, throw in your butter and olive oil into skillet. 

Once the butter melts, toss in your veggies! I topped the veggies with some pepper!

I cooked them in just the butter-oil mixture for about 10 minutes. 

We like caramelized onions around here.

At this point, my chicken was finished boiling, so I pulled them out, set them aside to cool and grabbed 1 cup of chicken broth straight from the boiling pan to add to my veggies!

Doesn't that look gorgeous?!

I returned to my chicken and shredded it into large chunks. I like my chicken chunky in my chicken and rice soup. If you prefer small pieces, shred away!

Once my chicken was shredded, I tossed it into the chicken broth in the crock pot. And added some spices! I also added some basil from my garden this year. My hubby's aunt showed me how to freeze it so it's easily accessible all year long!

When those veggies were soft and cooked through, I dumped them in--butter, olive oil, chicken broth and all!--into the crock pot. 

Last, but certainly not least, I threw in my 2 cups of cooked rice I had made up earlier. 

I let the soup cook on medium heat in the crock pot for an hour and a half and then served it for dinner!

I think it should be duly noted that this soup will leave your house smelling delicious all evening long!

Enjoy!

--Jessica

To purchase the CrockPot and Cast Iron Skillet I used for this recipe, check out MY STORE.

Easy Tater Tot Casserole

You'd be surprised how many people turn their noses up at this priceless gem.

Between my brother and my husband, you couldn't find two more picky eaters if you tried. The former loves all things processed and the latter loves all things beef and potatoes. But they both agree that this casserole is by far their favorite.

It all started one cold wintry day. My mom said, "I've got this GREAT recipe to try. I'll have some ready when you get home." 

One bite later, and I was sold!

"What is this glorious dish called?!" I asked in awe.

"Its Tater Tot Casserole."

So, I have changed a few small things here and there. I don't add any spices like my mom. And I don't cut vegetables into teeny tiny pieces to conceal them from my anti-health food freak of a brother. I have kept it simple, quick and easy for those rare cold days that pop up in the fall. 

May you and your loved ones be as excited about this dish as we are!

Tater Tot Casserole

Time: 50 min 

What you'll need:

1 1/2 lb ground beef (or turkey)

1 1/2 lb frozen tater tots 

2 cans cream of chicken soup 

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 1/2 cups shredded cheese (or 2 cups, depending on your peoples' love of cheese)

Note: I prepared mine in advanced so I could just pop it into the oven for 30 minutes before hubby gets home from work.

1. If you are not setting aside the dish to cook later, preheat oven to 350-degrees. If you are saving your pre-made dish for later, skip this step.

2. Pull out a large dish. I used my Rachael Ray 2 1/4-quart stoneware dish. (In an unrelated note: I make the BEST brownies in this casserole dish as well!) Cover the bottom of the dish with the frozen tater tots. Set dish aside.***

3. I brown the ground beef in a cast iron skillet. Any skillet is fine, I just like how my beef turns out after using the cast iron. Once it's browned, drain the fat. You can keep your fat to add to other tasty meals or you can just set it aside til it cools and toss it. We only like bacon fat in this house. Plain and simple. So we toss our beef fat.

4. Once the fat is drained, throw in your 2 cans of cream of chicken soup and 1 can of cream of mushroom into the skilled on medium-low heat. (My mom uses 3 cans cream of chicken and adds garlic powder, onion powder, and any secret vegetables she's got on hand like onions, carrots, green beans, etc. They're easily hidden in the mixture).

5. After soups are mixed well, pour mixture over the tater tots. 

6. Garnish with LOTS of cheese. I used both sharp and colby-monterey jack. I like to switch things up sometimes ;) My hubby has a general dislike of all things cheesy, so we limit the cheese. But if I had my way...

7. If your oven is already preheated, throw your dish in for 30 minutes to warm it up and melt that cheese!

If you're preparing in advance, cover and place in the fridge until you're ready for step 1.


***If you are going to be gone all day, follow steps 1-6 BUT replace your dish with a crockpot. Cook on lowest setting for 6-8 hours. It will be warm and ready for you when you get home!

Check out MY STORE to browse through more Rachel Ray stoneware dishes.

The Good Wife Chronicles: Those Flirty Ladies

I watched from a distance a couple of weeks ago as another woman laughed, giggled and flirted with my husband. Since my arrival in Small Town USA, watching this woman attempt to lure my husband's attention has become something of a past time.

Most of the time, I chuckle at her. My husband, bless him, has no idea she's flirting with him. He has no idea that she's throwing herself at him. In fact, he's so blind to it, most of the time he doesn't even look in her direction when she's obviously trying to charm him. I won't even delve into the million sneaky ways she attempts to touch him.

I probably should say something.

But I don't.

You're probably wondering why I don't pull her aside and explain to her she's being disrespectful to both me and her husband.

You're probably wondering why I don't tell my husband to avoid her at all costs.

Those are valid questions.

And they cross my mind every time I watch her sneak her way over to my husband with the sole purpose of stealing his attention.

But as someone who watched her father be lured away by a similar woman, I can confirm that no amount of demanding, explaining, or talking to will eradicate the situation. In fact, I oftentimes wonder if we pushed my father out the door demanding he act like the respectful, loving father and husband he claimed he was. Maybe things would have been different if we had tried to win him back to us with kind words and encouragement. What if we had truly loved him better instead of being angry?

No matter how much we demand, men are only human. And my short 25 years have taught me that a man will always be charmed by another's smile when his wife doesn't have one for him.

Instead of throwing a fit, I view this married woman as someone competing for my husband's attention and affection. I could go blue in the face trying to convince my husband he must love me for all the days of my life on this earth, but as someone who considers herself a marriage realist, let me just say that my husband won't always love bitter, angry, demanding me.

And could you blame him? That's not the woman he fell in love with.

He loves adventurous, carefree, laughing me. That's the me I hope to always be. That's the me I hope he sees the most of. That's the me I pray continually wins his heart over and over.

After we had been dating several months--which feels like 50 years ago--there was a young woman who came along and told my husband that she really liked him and wanted to start a relationship with him.

At this point, my husband and I were 1,500 miles apart and he really could have done anything he wanted. But he gently explained to her that a woman half the country away had his heart.

Friends, I hope to always have my husband's heart so that if we ever find ourselves in this situation again, he can loudly proclaim that it is me--not some other woman--who won his heart and has kept it.

Here's the bottom line: if there was ever a line crossed where I began to worry about my marriage, I would talk to my husband. I wouldn't grow bitter; I'd spend every waking moment proving to him that he married the right woman.

For now, I pray endlessly for my husband. For his heart. For protection. For the temptations this world throws at him. I encourage you to do the same. You don't know what the dark principalities of this world have planned to lure him away from your marriage. Satan will do everything in his power to destroy your marriage. Don't let him. Don't let bitterness open a door for Satan to enter your marriage.

When my husband blindly misses the desperate woman throwing herself at him, I just praise God. Because my marriage won't survive these flirty ladies if I'm not in constant prayer about my marriage.

Ladies, don't grow bitter or get angry when you find women behaving this way. Remember: you married a great catch! And if you want to keep your great catch, never stop dating him. Never stop pursing his heart. Your marriage just may depend on it one day!