Sometimes, I like to sit with my coffee in the morning and day dream about walking toward my husband in that black tux. He looked so handsome. And his hand was so warm when he grabbed mine.
My favorite part was saying the vows. They were easy to say--almost too easy.
"I do."
And then life began.
The truth is that every marriage is different. Every marriage goes through different trials. And promising to love one another through the good and the bad is the easy part. It's sticking to the promise that makes or breaks marriages.
What no one told me on the day I promised to walk beside my husband for as long as we both shall live, was that the moment he slipped that white gold band on my finger was the day he put all of his future successes into my hands.
Every. Single. One. Of. Them.
His successes and his failures now rested in my very incapable hands.
To put it mildly: I was clueless. I had no idea that my words, my actions, and my reactions to his every move would determine how high he would climb or fall in life.
Thankfully, I asked God for wisdom and He delivered it. I made mistakes--I still make mistakes--but I'm a work-in-progress.
I fail my husband from time-to-time, but I learn. I believe this is the part where so many wives fail. They fail because they don't understand that real love requires copious amounts of forgiveness and love.
Love is not selfish. It cannot be selfish. Because love means that we care more about the other person than we do ourselves. It means that we respect one another. It means we build up instead of put down. It means that there is no hate, anger or bitterness, but rather love, respect, kindness, goodness and faithfulness.
I've observed all types of marriages and I can say with certainty that the best of marriages have good friendships. They're built on a foundation of respect and communication.
Because I know this, you will never be able to convince me that lust and passion sustain a marriage. Fighting. Rush of emotions. Hatred. The endless cycle of drama and hurt. Those things cannot be present in a lifelong relationship if we want it to last.
They result in one thing: a tumultuous marriage that will, inevitably, implode. It will implode because men cannot peacefully live in a home where they are not respected and women cannot joyfully live in a home where they are not cherished.
I learned this fairly early on in my marriage. I learned that in order for my husband to have a happy home life--which will lead to successes in every other area of his life--I had to become a dear friend, a close confidante, a trusted business partner and a happy wife who spends her hours in overlooked labor so her husband can lead, succeed and dream big.
So, how exactly have I mastered the art of helping my husband with his big--and small--successes?
Here are 3 simple rules to help you ensure your husband is successful:
1. Don't Put His Dreams Down
My husband is a big dreamer. He has shared many dreams with me over the years. Some we have chased together; others I have stood by and been supportive. Not all of my husband's dreams have come true, but I believe that my husband can do anything he sets his mind to. He has me, after all, to help him. Do you believe in your husband? If not, now is a good time to start investing in his dreams, even if they fizzle out. You just never know what he can accomplish when he has his most trusted adviser cheering him on.
2. Be Good To Him
If you treat your friends, coworkers and neighbors better than you treat your husband, chances are you have a very unhappy marriage. Your best should be given to the person who spends each night falling asleep beside you. The person who has been given the esteemed privilege of holding your hand as you walk through life, building a home and family together. Give your best to your husband; there will always be plenty left over to spill into others' lives. If you make it a priority to be good to your husband, you will welcome home a happy man every evening regardless of how cruel the world is to him. Remember: a man's home is his castle. So, be his queen. Stand strong beside him as he makes decisions. Cheer him on in his successes and help him make sense of his failures.
3. Rid Your Marriage of Negativity
I'm sure you've been around a negative wife or two. Their favorite word is a resounding "NO!". I shake my head every time I hear a wife argue with her husband over something silly. I shake my head every time I watch a bitter wife chastise her husband's good intentions. I shake my head every time I see a controlling wife breaking her husband down. Wives, a broken man will never amount to anything. Your dreams to see him succeed will never come to pass. Instead of saying "NO!", try this simple phrase: "Honey, that sounds like an excellent idea." If he wants to use a chainsaw in your living room to trim the Christmas tree like my husband did a few weeks ago, LET. HIM. DO. IT. Don't nag him about possibly putting the chainsaw through the wall. Don't nag him about getting the blade a little too close to your beautiful hard wood floors. Those things are replaceable. Your husband's self-esteem is far too important to sweat the small stuff. Even if money is too tight to buy new floors or walls--even if you're in a foul mood--let him do it. I promise you that your husband's happiness is SO MUCH MORE important than having a flawless home. When people enter your home, they'll feel much more comfortable in a messy house filled with love than in a spotless house filled with turmoil.
Take it from me, ladies, your husband's success rests entirely on your shoulders.
A good wife brings her husband "good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12
Your Wife Friend in Christ,
Beautiful! Such a wonderful article :)
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