Worth, My Theme For This Year

It happens every 365 days. I pick a theme for the year.

I'm not huge on New Years Resolutions. I have never stuck to a New Years Resolution in my life. So, I don't give myself unrealistic expectations. Setting myself up for failure accomplishes nothing.

I have lots of goals I want to see come to pass. But really, I want to have a heart that loves Jesus and loves others well. Goals are nothing without love.

Really.

Take it from me.

You can chase the world with an empty heart and gain all the things you are searching for.

But if you don't have love, then what do you really have?

Last year, my theme for the year was contentment. And God put me through some pretty rough seasons where I learned that contentment is an on-going practice. Seasons change and I have to learn to change with them.

Oh, we went through some rough seasons this year. Filled with uncertainty, pain, and heartache. But God was steadfast through it all. And I came out of 2014 knowing that "the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deuteronomy 31:8)

So, I have gained a few more contented bones in my body after 2014. It was the year of growing my faith in ways I never could have imagined. Ways I only hope God keeps asking of me.

Well, this year is an interesting theme. One that has been tugging at my heart for a few weeks. It's not a theme I would have really considered if it hadn't been for a string of events that led me to a place of discovering I'm shaky on my worth.

Are you? Or is it just me?

I get called a lot of untrue things, probably like most of you. Namely a lazy housewife, someone who doesn't have a 'real' job and a terrible teacher.

Friends, I know I'm strong. I've got some thick skin. But with so many people speaking so many negative things over my life, I find myself searching God for my worth time and time again. And he never fails to remind me that every hair on my head is precious to him. Every. Hair. He makes me feel so loved.

God also blessed me with a husband who likes to remind me how much he values me. He showers me with flowers, chocolate, fancy dinners, kind words, and lots of laughter. But even all the wonderful things he does for me doesn't erase those mean words.

You would think at 25 I would have a sound understanding of what my worth is. I'm a wife who spends her limited free time ironing and washing dishes. Work that I never thought I would enjoy, but I do. I love those down hours spent in quiet submission before God. I talk and he listens. He talks and I listen.

I try to make time in my busy schedule to do Kelly's grandmother's nails once a week because I know she loves sitting with me at the dining room table trading life stories. It's not even about the nails; it's about her having time to talk and socialize. It's in those hours that I quietly ask God to bless me with a granddaughter someday who loves to take care of an old woman's hands.

The many hours that go unnoticed by those around me are filled with my worth. The hours poured into the lives of others. Because God put me here to help people. And while I know that all the behind-the-scenes work I do won't make it to the front stage for everyone to comment on, I have to keep focusing on my purpose; not what others say about me.

Sometimes, I want to kick myself for caring about what others think. I guess I'm only human; words can penetrate this thick skin and wound me.

We live in a society that tells us if we're not perfect, we're not worth a whole lot. And a lot of women striving for perfection have bought into that lie.

And since I'm about as far from perfect as one can get--and I'm really open about it--it leaves me with a lot of criticism.

It bothers me that we have let the ideal woman ruin our self-worth. There is no ideal woman. There is no perfect woman. There's just a bunch of flawed, beautiful women in this world who can all contribute something good, if they're willing.

I have to keep reminding myself of that because the world can tear my self-worth apart in two seconds flat.

So, this year, I want to find my worth in God's eyes. I want him to strengthen my heart in this area.

He knows my flaws. He knows my limitations. He knows every tear shed over the harsh words of others. He knows me. And he chooses to call me his own.

This year, my theme verses are:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." Psalm 139:13-15

At the end of 2015, I want to praise God for who I am--who he made me to be. And I want to be so firm and solid in my worth that the world can't shake me.

I invite you to join with me as I make worth my theme for the year. If you're struggling with your worth, remember that every hair on your head is precious to the Creator of all things. Every. Hair.

Jessica