Why Can't We Just Be Friends?

Photo cred: Pinterest.com

I remember my first frenemy. She lived a few houses down from me in my childhood home. Her name was Holly and she was hard to get along with. Mostly because if I did not make her the center of attention, she would run to her mother and tell on me. I would endure a long lecture about how I'm a "terrible friend".

But Holly wasn't the only frenemy on Rambling Heights Lane. Denise was just as terrible. She spent her free time bullying me. And putting me down. And her mother joined in on the fun, too.

There were frenemies at school. Frenemies at dance class. They were EVERYWHERE. They pretended to like me to my face, then turned around and unleashed their nasty words and actions. Sometimes within ear shot; other times girls would come running to me, "You'll never believe what so-and-so said about you."

To this day, I'm still dealing with frenemies. Women who are hot and cold. They're my best friend one week while trying to get some juicy gossip on my marriage. Or my brother's. The next week? They're looking me up and down with a disgusted look and whispering to someone about how "terrible" my shoes are. Or that fact that I'm "not cool" because I do not shop at Forever 21. I. Can't. Even. Understand. This. As an almost a 26 year-old professional with a limited clothing budget, I'm totally for buying my clothes in the "Ladies" section. On sale. And with a gift card. Sometimes, my best finds come from the thrift store. If you want to purchase your clothes at the mall, I'm totally fine with it. Really. I am. Your clothes mean nothing to me; it's your heart that truly matters in my eyes.

Most of the time, I can easily brush off these strange occurrences of tearing me down. I mean, I have been dealing with this MY ENTIRE LIFE. Case in point: see first two paragraphs.

But at this point in my life, I keep asking myself, "Why are women so mean to each other? Why can't we just be friends?"

I don't really have any concrete answers. Since Bible times, women have been in open competition for what the other has had. They have fought and broken each other down, mostly over jealousy.

Hannah and Peninniah are two women who could not get along.

"Because the LORD had closed Hannah's womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" 1 Samuel 1:6-8

Peninniah provoked Hannah. I don't know all the reasons why, but my best guess is that Elkanah loved Hannah more, so a jealous Peninniah used her words to wound.

But these aren't the only two ladies who fought. Sisters Leah and Rachel were fiercely jealous of each other and competed for children and Jacob's love.

"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!" Genesis 30: 1

Jealousy correlates to "fear", "insecurity", and "anxiety". Emotions we all experience at one point or another. We're jealous of each other because that's what we've been doing for centuries.

We're jealous of the woman who has it all. "She works a full-time job. Her kids are so well-behaved. How does she keep her house so clean?"

We're jealous of the housewife. "Why doesn't she get a real job? She has all the free time in the world. She should be working. Her husband must make a lot of money. You'd think she'd go get her hair done or buy a new outfit."

We are outright nasty to each other. I am the first to admit that I sometimes find myself thinking unflattering thoughts about other women. But, for the most part, I get it. I get the hours that go unseen by the watchful eyes of other women. I get the hours we all pour into the behind-the-scenes work.

I get the woman who has it all. She barely sleeps because her house doesn't clean itself. She stays up all night long with a sick child while preparing tomorrow morning's presentation. She bribes her kids with ice cream to behave in public because she needs a break from all the fighting for just one hour.

I get the woman who spends her days at home. Who labors over budgets and bill paying. Who sweeps dusty floors while her husband and children sleep soundly in their warm beds. Who bakes cookies for the nursing home. Who must run the errands no one else can because she's at home and surely must have the time.

 We, as women, are all the same. We have different personalities, different responsibilities, different jobs, different hearts, but we are all the same. We all work hard. We all give life the very best of us. We are all weary. We all carry heavy burdens. We all have good days and bad days. We have failures and successes.

So, why can't we just be friends?

And encourage each other? And share the burdens? And love each other well? And set aside our different tastes for shoes, makeup, clothes, careers, and TV shows to be good to each other?

Why don't we stop looking at the outside and start searching the inside? 

Ladies, you have nothing to be jealous of. What you possess, no other woman on this planet does. No one has it all together. No one goes without trials and hardships. No one is perfect. No one is YOU. And the world needs YOU to be uniquely YOU.

Stop the judging. Stop the gossip. Stop the bullying. Set aside years of jealousy that have transferred from generation to generation and LOVE EACH OTHER.

Because tomorrow isn't a guarantee. And we all enter this world and leave it the same way. The rest is just details!