The Truth About Just Getting Over It

God always does his best work in me in a pew, in the very back of the sanctuary of the church I attend each week.

No, I'm not always touched by each message. Because each message isn't for me. I sit in a room full of broken people who are more like me than not.

Because we all sin.

Because we all fall short.

Because we are all adored and loved by a God who calms the oceans that rage against the sandy shorelines.

And God knows that we all have different needs and that different words will strike different chords in different hearts.

I have been a Christian for a long time, though I haven't always lived like one. I have always known that my home is somewhere far beyond the stars that light up the sky each night. I have always known that Jesus died on the cross over 2,000 years ago so that I could be free today. Free to love. Free to choose. And free to just be myself.

But that doesn't mean I'm exempt from bitter seasons. From hard ones. From pain or suffering. In the wise words of Rick Warren, "Life on earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production."

Sometimes, I endure long months of rough seasons. And most of the time, I come out of them stronger and better than before.

On occasion, I'll leave those seasons bitter. Because life has brought up moments from a dark past that can't be forgotten, though they can be forgiven.

I may be 25 years old, but I'm still dealing with things that transpired 13 years ago--with my parents separation and the rough years that followed.

I've been told numerous times to "just get over it." By the people involved and by outsiders. But regardless of how many times you tell me to "just get over it," I won't get over it until I understand it in a way that makes sense to me.

I'm no longer broken by it. I'm no longer tied to the past because of it. I'm just trying to make sense of it one last time.

I have a beautiful life filled with genuine people who love and care for me in ways that I've never been cared for before. But when my husband and I talk about starting a family, my palms get sweaty and I shut down. I have to search myself over and over again, reverting back to my childhood and wondering what could cause a man to leave his children's mother.

I'm not afraid of my husband leaving me. I spend every day being the best wife that I can and the truth is that I can't do anything more than try to win his heart over and over again and pray for our marriage. I made peace with that a long time ago.

My greatest fear in this life is that my children will ache and suffer the way I did and I could never live with myself if I had to watch them lose everything. So I put off the "children talk" and postpone it year after year as I try to make sense of my own childhood.

The good news is that with the help of a few close family members and mentors, I'm understanding the great need to forgive with finality this time. To close the door. To allow things to just be.

Here's the conclusion I have come to: the more people say "just get over it" the harder it is for me. I want to; I really want to. I want to make peace with my childhood and grow. And I'm on my way. It's proving to be a slow process, though.

We can't expect people to just get over things in this life. Choices change us. People change us. Circumstances change us. Some are out of our control. And we have to make sense of them and find peace.

Don't push people to get over things before they're ready. Instead, pray for them. Encourage them. Help them to make sense of the past by listening and steering them toward the one who can heal all hearts: Jesus. The more time we invest, the more chances we'll help change a heart for the better.

--Jessica