A tall, white-haired woman walked into my classroom a few semesters back and immediately told me that the room was too cold and if I expected her to learn, the room needed to be warmer.
I mainly teach older people and they are refreshing in this aspect. I never have to wonder what they're thinking. They will literally just blurt it out. If I'm not explaining something right, they will tell me. If my 12 examples are not working, they will ask for another one. If I say something they believe is wrong, they will argue.
From the moment this woman opened her mouth, I knew she would become one of my greatest teaching lessons. And she did.
Every time this lady would enter my classroom, I would hear the same four things:
1. She married a weak man
2. Her dead mother-in-law was a horrible person
3. Her very large house was too crowded and she needed a new one
4. I--the teacher who has 23+ years of experience on the computer--know nothing about the computer
At first, I laughed off her negativity. I am not a negative person by nature and I tend to run from people who complain constantly. But I knew that I was going to see this woman for 16 weeks straight and if I didn't find a way to brush off her constant negativity, it would make my job dreadful.
So, my work truly began.
In the beginning, the best thing was to simply ignore her. She would interrupt my lessons to tell me I was wrong. She would try to convince the other students that I didn't know what I was talking about. The more I ignored it, the more she tried to engage me.
Four weeks in, I had had enough. She interrupted me while I was giving the class the answers to the quiz in the back of the book.
"You can find the paragraph that explains this answer on page 92."
"No," she sternly replied. "The answer is on page 97."
I took a deep breath and turned to page 97. "This is an assignment you can do at home. This is not where the answer is. The answer is on page 92."
"No, it's not," she argued.
I turned back to page 92 and said, "Class, the answer is on page 92. If you would like to see an example of how this works, you can turn to page 97."
"The answer is on page 97!" she yelled to the class.
"No," I replied as I looked at her. "I have worked out of this book for 2 years and I have taught several classes out of it. The answer to the question is on page 92. You can write whatever page you would like to in your book, but the rest of the class is going to write page 92 on their answer sheets."
After that day, she never interrupted me again. And it saddened me that I had to stand up to her to get her to back down. I hate (I know it's a strong word, but it's the truth) when people make me do these types of things. In my perfect world, we would all get along and talk--not argue, yell, or put people in their places. But as a teacher, I had to consider what was best for the class as a whole. I can't have someone giving my other students the wrong information.
From that day forward, this lady looked at me in a different light.
12 weeks later, I handed this woman her certificate of completion. She was smiling, happy and positive. So, how did I manage to turn this woman's negativity into something positive?
Here's how:
1. Do not laugh at their negative comments.
This is where I went wrong. In the beginning, I laughed at her negativity, but quickly learned that laughing encourages their behavior. If you want to get rid of a behavior, it's best not to encourage it with laughter or interest. When this woman would talk about her dead mother-in-law, I would walk away. When she would tell me about her weak husband, I would remind her that she was very lucky to have married a man who gave her a beautiful life. When she would tell me that her house was overcrowded, I would tell her that she needed to have a garage sale. When she would tell me I knew nothing about the computer, I would gently remind her that I literally 'grew' up on the computer. Eventually, she tired of me not giving her sympathy and began talking to me about her hobbies.
2. Don't return negativity with negativity.
Nothing seemed to infuriate this woman more than me constantly encouraging her. She would tell me she would never learn how to use the computer and I would encourage her every time I walked by her chair. She would tell me the weather was horrible and I would tell her that the best part of fall was the changing leaves. I made sure every response was a positive one because I wanted to show her that there was nothing to be negative about. People have two choices: see the good or see the bad. I wanted her to recognize that I was someone who always saw the good and she was not going to change my mind about that.
3. Listen, but do not encourage negativity.
Halfway through the class, I realized why this woman was acting so negative: she craved attention. As soon as I realized this, I began taking a much bigger interest in her. I began to understand that she was left alone in a house all day long. Her children were grown and no longer living near her. And she didn't seem to have any friends. I asked her about her hobbies every time I saw her and by the end of the class, she was arriving 15 minutes early to show me some of the projects she was working on. We'd sit in the back of the room and she'd show me all her crafts. The more time I invested in her, the more positive she became. What I believe most negative people need is simply other people. They need someone who can inject so much optimism that they can't shake it off.
It's true what they say: we teach people how to treat us. Negative people want sympathy and attention. Their reasons for that attention aren't always bad. They just need to be reminded that a positive heart and attitude will attract more people than a negative one.
Be positive. See the good. Never tire of encouraging. One day, it just may change someone who walks into your life unexpectedly.
--Jessica
I am enjoying catching up on your posts.
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