How To Break 'The Facebook Curse'

I'm just going to be honest: I LOVE Facebook. I love it so much in fact that I think I have a very unhealthy relationship with it. Because when I'm bored, you will most likely find me scrolling through my news feed.

Many moons ago--almost 7 years ago--my husband convinced me to get this new thing called a "Facebook." I remember thinking: "Nothing good ever came out of MySpace. Why would Facebook be any different?" But I conceded and joined.

For the first few years of my Facebook adventure, I used it to keep in contact with high school friends who were in college. I really loved being able to see what they were up to without disrupting their hectic schedules with strange phone calls:

"Hi, are you busy?"

"Yeah, I'm heading to work."

"O.K. Call me back when you get a free chance."

3 Hours Later...

"You've reached the voicemail of _______. Please leave a message after the *beep*."

You get the idea. It made keeping up with them simple and uncomplicated. And I liked that.

But then there seemed to be this shift where everyone was deleting everyone because so-and-so said something that may or may not have been directed at so-and-so. It just became this big mess where people used their Facebook to bash people, to tear each other down, and to criticize. And I knew that wasn't something I wanted to be a part of. I began referring to it as "the Facebook Curse".

Then, something miraculous happened. I decided to delete the people who posted foul language, attacks against my faith, attacks against other people, and started liking pages. And as I added more and more pages of positive people, my news feed exploded with great quotes, stories, news, encouragement, inspiration and blog posts. And so, my addiction to the positive side of Facebook truly began.

Too often, I believe that we use Facebook as a means to express our discontentment, to stir up drama, and to tear one another down. What we have failed to realize is that Facebook can be one of our greatest assets.

Facebook can be a tool we use to encourage each other. It can be a safe place to ask for help and advice--and even prayer. It can be a place where we share in each other's milestones. It can also be a place to share our failures and heartaches, within reason.

I never aim for perfection on Facebook. My life is far from perfect; I just aim to encourage and share. That's it. I'm not interested in commenting on your personal woes. I'm not interested in gossiping about you. I'm not interested in tearing down your ex. I just want to put a smile on your face.

The realization that I wanted to make people happy on Facebook led me to start having rules for myself. I've deemed these rules the "The Anti-Facebook Curse Guidelines". These rules are my attempt to make social media a positive experience for my friends and myself. And I want to share them with you in the hopes that we can break this Facebook curse. Let's aim to "encourage one another and build each other up," even on Facebook. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

How To Avoid the Facebook Curse:

1. Don't dwell on your friends' negative posts.
I'm pretty sure a few posts have been aimed at me from time-to-time. I've been told I come off a little too 'Christian.' I like to post a million pictures of my dogs. And, yes, I will post about the snow, the freezing temperatures and my dogs pulling a sled. I know my friends post about being in a warmer (or colder climate) and don't want to see my snow pictures, but I am a southern California girl living in OKLAHOMA! This is exciting news to me! I'm learning how to cope in negative temperatures and drive on ice. I'm sorry this puts a wrench in my friends' Facebook news feeds. Regardless of what they post, I'm going to respond to them with grace and respect always, but I'm not going to change what I post because of their negative comments. Instead, I'm just going to keep scrolling, say a little prayer for them, and let it go.

2. Don't retaliate. Ever.
People are always going to be opinionated on Facebook. They're always going to see their side of things instead of yours. They're human. But they still haven't figured out that Facebook isn't the place to debate religion or politics. It's not a place to compete with the Jones. And it's certainly not the place to publicly humiliate people. Depending on what my friends' post, I may scroll past, stop following them, or simply delete them. It really bothers me when I have to delete people. But I can't be a part of their mean games. And the best way to keep from retaliating is to get it off my news feed.

3. Stand up for your family and friends.
This rule is a two-parter. The first part is to un-friend anyone who publicly bashes someone. Aquaintances included. You do not have to stand for bullying of any kind on your news feed. The second part is to encourage people to work through their problems the old-fashioned way: sit down and talk through them. No one has a right to bash people simply because they are sitting behind the safety of their keyboard and screen. Your words--spoken and/or written--hold more power than you know. Encourage--don't bash! When you see someone bashing, call them, talk to them and then move on.

4. Be Positive. Like Positive. Encourage Positive.
The best way to break the Facebook Curse is to remain positive. I aim to post positive things. I like peoples' positive posts. And I encourage my family and friends to be positive. Sure, we have negative parts of life and we can share those in respectful way. If you've lost a family member or friend, please share their picture and a funny story about them. I want to see how much they meant to you. If you're going through a divorce and need prayer, please ask me. I want to pray for my friends and family. If you're struggling, it's O.K. to share that, too. Facebook can be a community of people coming together to lift each other up instead of tearing them down. Let's focus on the positive. Let's break the Facebook Curse for good!

If you have any rules for remaining a positive light on Facebook, share them in the comments. I'd love to see how you keep your Facebook a safe, positive place for family and friends.

--Jessica