Surviving Divorce: The Untraveled Trail

 "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost

I am a product of divorce.

For a long time, my parents' divorce made me feel like an outsider. It made me feel unworthy of things. Love. Family. Hope. Dreams. Self-confidence. Courage.

It took a long time for me to realize that it didn't mean that I was unworthy of anything; it simply meant that I had two paths to choose from.

The first was obviously heavily traveled. I could still see fresh shoe marks in the beaten-down path as I surveyed the entrance. The endless miles of hilly scenery seemed daunting, but many people were walking this trail and they seemed to be doing just fine. Some were far ahead; others were just beginning like I was.

But then there was the second path.

It's entrance was overgrown with weeds and debris. A few people had pulled apart branches to make their way into the overgrown jungle of bushes. They were no where in sight now.

I wondered what stood at the end of this trail. There was only one way to find out, but I wasn't ready to abandon the heavily-traveled path yet. I was still watching others as they made their way through it.

Torn between the two paths for many years, I'd weigh the options and never came up with a clear answer. Then, one day God urged me to push through the bushes of the untraveled trail.

I found myself in unknown territory. There was no light. I tripped. I faltered. I had to feel my way through the darkness. I felt like giving up, but something kept me going forward.

And when I made it through the rough patches, I was shocked to see what was waiting for me on the other side.

There sat a treasure box with my name inscribed. When I opened it, out poured numerous treasures. Love. Family. Hope. Dreams. Self-confidence. Courage.

God restored all the things that I had lost simply because I chose to walk down the untraveled trail. I chose love instead of anger. I chose healing instead of brokenness. I chose faith instead of hopelessness. My reward was not an easier life or material possessions; it was peace.

This path is still new territory for me. God provided me with all the things I believed I didn't deserve--and He still does. The farther I travel, the more treasures I acquire. Things I never imagined I'd possess.

Talents. Compassion. Faith. Humility. Gratitude. Patience.

Because God was faithful to me, I no longer carry around the heavy weight of my parents' divorce the way I used to. And it's because I chose to travel down a different path than most people. I didn't want to end up a bitter cynic. I wanted to believe in love and family again. So, I let God lead my steps. And in the wise words of my favorite poet, Robert Frost, "that has made all the difference."

I wasn't able to get over my parents divorce or the stigma that came with it on my own. God provided me with numerous outlets to mourn the loss of my family unit and move forward.

I meditate on this Charles Spurgeon quote often: "The Lord gets his best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction." It helps remind me that I was chosen to walk a different path. And because God helped me overcome the roughest part of my past, I survived with only a few scratches.

You can survive, too. If you're going through what I went through. Maybe your family is falling apart and you're not sure where to turn. I want to urge you to take the untraveled trail.

Many of my friends--and even relatives--have gone through the same thing I have. They carry around a lot of the same emotions. They're angry and hurt. They're not sure how to love someone correctly. They're lost. They don't know how to forgive. They don't have peace.

But there is hope. Take it from a happily-married product of divorce.

Life does turn around.

You will survive.

You will be just fine.

Here's how I survived my parents divorce:
1. A lot of laughter.
"Laughter is the best medicine." And it's true. Seek joy in hard moments. Focus on the positive. Read comic strips. Surround yourself with people who love to laugh. Watch reruns of America's Funniest Videos. Get a dog. Go on long walks. Find what makes you happy. Remember the good times and make peace with the bad times. Laugh.

2. A lot of tears.
Let 'em out! I cried. A lot. I let myself feel the emotions stirring inside. I let myself purge. I didn't hide my feelings in an attempt to appear strong. I just let myself feel. And that helped me to let go easier. I adopted the saying, "It is what it is." I stopped trying to figure things out. One day, the tears ran dry and I felt a heavy weight lifted off my chest.

3. A lot of heart-to-hearts with God. 
I said what I needed to say--mostly to God, but sometimes to the people who hurt me. Say what you need to. But be careful with this advice. You should always say things to others with as much love as you can. I didn't learn that at 12 years-old. Instead, I used words like swords. It took a very long time for me to undo this. Now, I say what I need to say only if it's helpful to both parties. Otherwise, I say what I need to in the presence of God. He never interrupts, He always loves on me, and He always reminds me that there is a light at the end of every tunnel. Talk to God. He's a great listener!

4. A lot of patience.
Sometimes, you have to take life one day at a time. They say, "time heals all wounds." But what they leave out in the quote is that you have to let time heal your wounds. You have to let yourself heal. I was patient with life. I opened myself up to new experiences. I worked through struggles. I faced my problems head on. I slowly went through life, enjoying easy moments and learning from difficult ones. Eventually, I woke up ten years later and realized I had moved on. I used all my energy to better myself--not to add to the chip on my shoulder. Patience is good for the heart.

5. A lot of gratitude.
This entire experience taught me how to thank God for my circumstances. As I've grown in my Christian walk, God has revealed this truth to me: our afflictions are not always chastisements. Sometimes, God knows we're going to cross someone's path a week, a month, twelve years from now. And they're going to need our experiences to help them through whatever it is they're going through. God will use your affliction to help others. Thank God that you can love others better because of the hurts you've gone through.

As Spurgeon said, God gets his best soldiers "out of the highlands of affliction." I'm grateful God uses my past to help people whose paths I cross today.

God can do the same for you, if you let Him.

And when it comes time to chose between the paths that lay ahead, don't go with the flow. Figure out what you need to find forgiveness and let go. You may have to climb through some tightly bound branches, but you will be surprised to find what's waiting for you on the other side.

--Jessica