Be Good To Yourself

I really didn't like myself during my teenage years. It was probably because I was so focused on what all the other girls my age were doing. What they looked like. How they acted. Where they shopped. Who they hung out with. What their priorities were.

Because I didn't like myself, I wasn't very good to myself. I always thought I needed to lose 10 lbs. And I would skip meals, exercise until my limbs ached, and beat myself up in the mirror over those silly 10 lbs that I really didn't need to lose.

It was a vicious cycle. I'd lose those 10 lbs, stare in the mirror, and then tell myself I'd only need to lose 10 more lbs to be beautiful. I wish I had just been able to look in the mirror and see that I was already beautiful just the way I was.

Me circa 2007

The funny thing about growing up is that you start to see things more clearly. You start to see yourself more clearly. And you realize that you're outer beauty isn't nearly as important as your inner beauty. After spending the majority of my teenage years obsessively worrying about my outer appearance, I realized that I really didn't like the inner one.

I was stubborn. I harbored many bitter feelings towards several people in my life. I spoke without thinking. I used the truth to wound those I loved. I was judgmental. I was cold. I didn't know the first thing about being happy. Or expressing joy. I had a lot of hate inside. And most of it was aimed at myself.

Senior Picture 2007

It took getting my heart broken to understand the importance of loving yourself. The truth is, people will love you when you don't love yourself. They will. But when someone you love no longer loves you, you start to search yourself. You try to pinpoint the reasons why they didn't find you worthy of their love. And that's exactly what I did.

I would drive to the park early in the morning and watch the sun rise as I walked several miles enjoying the scenery. I'd grab a Starbucks and then take the long way home with the radio blaring loudly. I started going to church more frequently. I made an effort in college. I tried my best to find some good in myself. I started praying and asking God what I was supposed to do with my life. And I would always get mad when I clearly heard the response, "You will be a public speaker." Mainly because I hated giving speeches.

Circa 2010

This journey that I'm on--the one where I love myself despite my flaws and misgivings--has been a rough one. The society we live in has always told us we're not good enough. But I try not to pay too much attention to what the world thinks of me. I'm focused on God's truth.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well." (Psalm 139:13-14)

Since I've grown up, and learned to be kind to myself, I have become someone that I enjoy sitting alone with in the early mornings, sipping a cup of coffee. I no longer beat myself up about those 10 extra lbs I'm carrying around. I eat dessert. I go for long walks with my mom. I love on the children I get to teach--and the adults! I make it my mission in life to leave others better than when I've found them. And I try to show my husband every day--not in words, but actions--that I truly love him. I couldn't do all that if I didn't love myself.

Wedding Day 2011

The simple truth is: loving myself has helped me to love others better. To volunteer my time to good causes. To doing simple acts of kindness for people. And it eventually led me to that speaking job I was terrified of. Yes, I find teaching terrifying. I always tell people it really is like being a public speaker. I prepare lessons, which I tackle like speeches. God has used my fears and weaknesses to show me His great strength.

Be good to yourself. Love yourself. Despite what you may think, and what others might tell you, God created you and made you in His perfect image. You are His masterpiece. The creator who fashioned the majestic mountains and low lying valleys, sights that are truly breathtaking, also created you.

--Jessica