Dear Teenage Girls

Dear Teenage Girls,

It wasn't that long ago that I, too, used to be one of you, navigating the drama-filled hallways of high school, convinced that these truly were the 'best years of our lives'. I'm not sure who came up with that saying, but it couldn't be further from the truth.

I was by no means 'cool' in high school. We were too poor to afford expensive, brand-name clothes. And I couldn't have told you where to buy MAC makeup. I still don't know. And I would never have admitted this then, but that free lunch I got at school was the only real meal I had some days. I remember sitting outside a classroom one sunny afternoon wondering what the point in growing up was if these really were supposed to be the best years of my life. Because they were turning out to be the worst!

Somehow, I survived and managed to end my high school career with a 4.0 GPA. That's saying a lot. I almost failed Algebra 2 Sophomore year. Turns out I wasn't really that interested in learning. But a few years later, I ended up with an 'A' in my college Calculus class. Oh, and a math degree. The change? I grew up. I realized I didn't want high school to be the sum of my 'glory days'. I wanted my best days to be in front of me. So, I traveled. I wrote a book for fun. I solidified my morals. I fell in love with someone who wasn't interested in compromising those morals. I pursued faith. I figured out I wanted to invest in people and focus on bettering myself. I decided I wanted to be the complete opposite of this culture we're living in.

Listen, in the six years since I've graduated high school, I know it's only gotten harder. Pure pressure has probably worsened and expectations from others has grown. You have, after all, what used to be Hannah Montana as a role model. She's not cool. And she's not someone you want to look up to. Sure, she's what this society would loosely call an 'artist'. But I can't imagine why taking off her clothes and twerking (seriously, I have no idea what that even means) would ever be considered 'art'. Go to New York City. Visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Now, that's some real art! Demeaning yourself for millions--maybe it's billions, I can't say for sure--of views on YouTube is not respectable. And people won't take you seriously. Yes, you'll gain notoriety. You'll probably even become rich at your own expense. But why lose your soul in the process?

So, I guess what I'm saying is, high school only lasts for four years. And though it can be unbearably hard, don't focus on those years. Instead, focus on making something of yourself. Contribute to society in a positive way. Don't waste your time worrying about what everyone else is doing. Be who you are. Be real. Be a good role model for others. Figure out who you are without compromising your self-worth. It might not sit well with some people, but I can guarantee you that being authentic is never overrated.

I have a teenage sister-in-law and I worry about her a lot. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want her to ever be pressured into conforming to this world. What I want for her--what I want most for you--is to live a good life free of pain and compromise. It breaks my heart when I find out you've given pieces of yourself away to a slew of boys before you're even 16. It breaks my heart when you're so focused on being loved by someone else that you forget to love yourself first. It breaks my heart when you've been turned cold by this world before you've ever really experienced all the good it has to offer. I know some circumstances are beyond your control, but I truly believe that it's in spite of our circumstances that we grow into the people we become. Our pasts don't have to define us. In fact, they can be the very thing that propels us forward.

Teenage girls, you're living in a day and age that's tainted with self-love and a lack of respect for others--for yourself. But you don't have to give in to all of that. You can choose to be different. You can choose to love yourself--even when others don't. You can choose to love others. I know it's hard. I know it's a challenge. But take it from someone who chose the path less traveled: it has made all the difference in the world.

--Jessica