Control

Taken from Jessica's eBook website 1500-miles.com




"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5,6)


When we moved into our house a little over a year ago, I told my husband I wanted roses in our front yard. That was my only request. Pink, red, yellow, white, and purple roses. So, every time we'd make the 30-minute drive to Lowe's, Kelly would point out a rose bush and ask, "What about that one?" I'd walk around the bush and survey it. Then, I'd look at him and say, "I think we should wait." He'd look at me, dumbfounded. "I don't want to spend a lot of money on the front yard," I'd try to explain. "What if we move soon?"


For the first six months of our marriage, I was restless. I was used to things moving at warped speed. I had been living in survival mode for so long that I didn't know how to settle down. "How am I supposed to decorate this small living room?" I'd mutter to myself as I stood in the middle of all our things, at a loss for where to put our furniture. "We need a bigger house," I'd say. "There just isn't enough room."


At the time, I was living with the expectation that God was going to change our situation as soon as we unpacked the last box in the garage. I lived in a constant state of preparedness. "Don't unpack that," I'd say to Kelly. "We're only going to have to pack it back up in a few months." Thankfully, God blessed me with a patient husband. And as the months passed by, I started to relax.


I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting God to change circumstances. In fact, I often pray that He will change our circumstances if it's His will. But I'm human and sometimes I allow myself to "lean on [my] own understanding." I wasn't trusting God like I should have been.


As soon as God reminded me that I can't control the unknown, I bought a rose bush. That rose bush in our front yard is a reminder that it's O.K. to let God have control. I don't have to worry so much. Because God will always provide, regardless of my circumstances.
--Jessica